*Disclaimer: This blog goes into detail about the aforementioned Poopapalooza from weeks back. This is not for the faint of heart, those wishing to remain in blissful ignorance about what potty training a stubborn 3 year old boy is like, or those feeling any sentence that contains the words “excrement,” “crap,” “potty,” “poop,” or any other synonym of these should never be written. Much less read.
You were warned.
I’m almost afraid to type this, as writing these words down is certain to come back and bite me in the butt in the coming days/weeks/months. But the hope within me is too strong.
After 9 months of potty training… The fights. The frustrations. The battles. The dirtying more diapers than he did before we started training… I’m hoping that the use of diapers during waking hours will finally be drawing to a much needed and desperately wanted close.
However, he sleeps like the dead. I fear he’ll go to college wearing a diaper, because why bother to ruin a perfectly good bout sleep to walk the strenuous 30 feet to the bathroom?
But that’s a worry for another day.
With out further ado, I give you the Poopapalooza Blog.
You may be wondering, what the hell is Poopapalooza? You’re certain it has something to do with the excretory system but what differentiates this from every day poop? After all, Everybody Poops.
Poopapalooza: (n.) 1. An event that occurs when a diaper leaks and the overflowing cesspool is everywhere day AND night.
2. Necessitates a change of clothes for the perpetrator, and at least one to possibly all of the following: caregiver clothing change, carpet cleaning, bath/shower for anyone in a 5 foot radius, cleaning of all items/coverings within perpetrator’s 5 foot radius, massive cleaning required for any other locations perpetrator visited before you realized Poopapalooza occurred.
3. Most common causes in babies are: illness, exclusive breastfeeding, & teething (or any to all combined).
4. Most common causes in toddlers are: illness and potty training or (heaven help you) both.
5. This event can occur with little or no warning. Particularly if you forgot to restock the wipes. See: Potty Training Poopapalooza.
Potty Training Poopapalooza: (n.) 1. An event that occurs due to the trainee “holding it in” for a 2-5 day time frame, until finally a storm of stinky sh*t is unleashed day AND night for the next 12 to 48 hours.
2. Most likely to occur when trainee has disappeared from view for at least 60 seconds. Likely places for the trainee to hide include but are not limited to: a corner, their bedroom, behind the couch, and the tubes found in playground equipment.
3. Will cause trainee to poop during the night, even though they haven’t in the 2+ years since they were baby. Often it will get EVERYWHERE in bedroom as parental units are asleep and are not warned of situation until it is too late as trainee remains very, very quiet.
4. A set back in potty training that occurs about the time you are certain trainee has finally mastered it.
There you have it. Poopapalooza.
Our largest event took place over the week of August 15th. I’m not entirely sure (thanks to Mommy brain) of the exact days but there were three of them, most likely the days without a blog update as I was too busy cleaning up the mess Poopapalooza leaves in its wake.
The worst Poopapalooza incident was the 4 AM Diaper Filling, that I swear was executed while The Trainee was still asleep.
Then he rolled around. On his bed (a mattress on the floor).
On the floor.
It was not pretty.
Luckily, I blessedly slept through this incident while CG woke up and took care of it (have I mentioned yet, how much I love my husband?). I became aware of the event the next morning when I found sheets and pajamas soaking in the various sinks throughout the house and giant stain on the The Trainee’s carpet.
There were several other incidents at night, within the first two hours of The Trainee going to sleep, where he once again Pooped While Asleep. A mess was luckily avoided thanks to one of us still being awake at the time.
One of the biggest frustrations with Potty Training Poopapalooza are the night time events (as stated Potty Training Poopapalooza #3) as before becoming a Trainee, child did NOT Poop During The Night and had not for years.
Another is the Surprise Factor.
You never know when Poopapalooza will occur….. until it’s too late.
Lil Diva, not to be left out in spite of potty training still far in her future, decided to hold her own Poopapalooza Extravaganza (see Poopapalooza #2). The Up The Back or Down the Legs phenomenon is much easier to contain during its typical stage (when done by infants) than when the Perpetrator is highly mobile and already likes to create pictures on the tile with her spit up.
Or plop down on her butt onto all pillow-like objects (boppy, stuffed animals), regardless of her current state of cleanliness.
I wonder if there is a Poopapalooza Support Group out there. Have others suffered this event, repeatedly, as I have?
When, dear lord, does it end?
It does end…. right?
A Few Notes About This Blog:
1. I began writing it three days after Progress Had Been Made. This meant a possible Poopapalooza could occur at any moment. While I was in the middle of writing it, A Set Back occurred following nap time. Luckily, as I was awake and aware of it, A Poopapalooza Event did not occur at this time.
2. Since Mimi has been here, I’ve transitioned into Underwear Except While Sleeping Pattern. The Trainee had been doing well, minus one wet incident.
Until today. Instead of telling his teacher at the gym child care, he remained in his favorite play place tube, and filled his underwear.
While very disappointed, my biggest thought was “Thank GOD today’s dump did not resemble the sizable potty donation of yesterday morning.”
Because that would’ve been a Public Poopapalooza of Epic Proportions.
Which is another story entirely.