Friday’s “What the frak?” moment: Why Do Men Pee While Standing?

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moment (WTFM) is brought to you by………..

The males of this world – who still persist in peeing while standing (particularly in their own homes) when no valid reason exists to do so: because after potty training a boy, I now know it is possible to perform this action while sitting.

I spent nine months potty training The Tackler.  NINE months.

I could have procreated and given birth again in that time – which was odd as I distinctly recalled the Tackler’s pregnancy appeared to last about three years – it was never going to end.

For nine months I watched as my son mastered the art of Sitting Down While Pointing Down, a skill attained early – it was the excrement skills that took nine months to grasp.

So imagine the thrill that surged through me when I learned that someone demonstrated that this already mastered skill could be executed while standing up.

And by thrill, I mean, “What the frakking frak were you thinking?”

Because currently, The Tackler is about an inch too short to really aim it into the giant toilets we have.  So he uses a stool.

The stool puts him about eight inches too high for Optimal Aiming Height.

Which means my main bathroom often reeks like a men’s restroom.

And it’s driving me frakking crazy.

Why can’t the guys take the extra 1.2 seconds to SIT DOWN and POINT DOWN to  reduce the spray factor to almost nothing?  Especially in their own homes.

Think of how many women it would save from falling into the toilet because they woke up to use it in the middle of the night, in the dark, and someone forgot to put the lid down.

It’s not like you run the risk of poison ivy in the privacy of your own bathroom.

Seriously, what the frak?

***

Note: The word “frak” is taken from the new Battlestar Galactica.  It is a term I use regularly because technically, it is “safe” to utter around my children.
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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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4 Responses to Friday’s “What the frak?” moment: Why Do Men Pee While Standing?

  1. educlaytion says:

    Ah, the memories of aim training. Just wait until he actually DOES start hitting the toilet on a regular basis, sans stool. If I know what’s next, he’ll quickly become bored with hitting that same ol’ boring target and begin experimenting with (in no particular order) a) The garbage can b) the wall (especially if he’s artistic) and c) whichever animal is nearby. I’m not sure if these rules are scientifically accurate but he is called the Tackler so…
    By the way, when that happens, you can correct him w/out even raising your voice. Just hand him cleaning supplies and tell him to take care of it. Aim recorrects real quick 😉

    • Kelly K says:

      Thank you for the Warning of Things to Come. As I read your reply, I altered between moments of laughing to cringing in horror as I visualized those exact things occurring – because they truly have The Tackler written all over it. The cats have never really warmed up to him – they prefer the screeching Lil Diva over him to my utter amazement – they should remain safe.

      My wallpaper, however….

      That is exactly the punishment I plan to use, should he venture out into creative territory.

      You spoke of it in a way that sounded like you experienced that Aim Re-correction first hand…. 🙂

      Perhaps if I ask CG to switch to the Sit Down Point Down method and use that from now on with The Tackler I could avoid the whole situation? Just explain that we only stand in the woods and at urinals…

      It could work…. right?

  2. mc6pack says:

    First off, we stand because we can. If you’ve got a hot car, you drive it. Plus, standing and urinating may be one of the only things we’ve got going for us as a sex.

    At some point Tackler will drop objects into the toilet (perhaps Diva’s favorite toy) so he has an actual target to aim at. This will be a proud moment for CG. Probably not so much for you.

    Hey, you could have them lined up on either side of the stool playing stream swords like Slim and PM. Stream swords can get real messy…

    Funny frak.

    • Kelly K says:

      Your comment has just made me very thankful I only have one boy. If CG decides to have Stream Swords with The Tackler, CG will have no reason to complain when I decide to remodel the bathroom….

      And the toy… oh boy… How do you punish that one?

      I predict when Lil Diva is older she was be the master at paybacks….

      First off, we stand because we can. If you’ve got a hot car, you drive it.

      That quote pretty much sums up what I said in my That’s Just What Boys Do post.

      Have you been talking to The Tackler lately and sharing Chasisms?

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