Today is the first day since July that I am completely childless—for four hours.
This means I have approximately 3.6 hours of “me” time. To do whatever I want.
Much of this last year “whatever I want” has equaled “whatever I must do”. Sure I’ll sneak a quick ten minutes of facebook or reading in throughout the day, but a nice long period of time during which I can write—uninterrupted—it’s been almost impossible to come by.
Three fiction stories—two less than 500 words—are all I’ve written in the last year. Those that follow my blog know the posts here have been few and sporadic, even though my mind is bursting to put my children’s words and stories down before my brain buries them.
I’ve been offline more, not reading blogs, not tweeting, and cursing facebook for clogging my feed every time a friend likes a page.
I’ve been trying to be a better mom. Pinterest and Google are most of my online time now, typically recipe hunting as I try to find ones both children will eat that have some nutritional content.
My baby, my Angel Kiss, my Lil Diva, turned four a week ago.
I’m still in denial.
Her inherent sweetness is now often smothered by Overly Dramatic Contrary Girl (ODCG), especially in the afternoons and evenings. I find myself missing her two and three-year-old persona and dreading the teen years.
ODCG makes everything take longer than it should. She drains my energy, my patience. Pair her with The Tackler, and I want to lock myself in my room.
The moments and hours ODCG leaves, I want to wrap her in a hug, and tell her to stay that way forever.
The math has to be wrong. I still feel like I’m twenty-six. I could not have been twenty years since I took chemistry class, because that means I did so in kindergarten.
I have so much to say, words itching to appear on my screen, and cannot find time when I am coherent enough to type them.
But I’m going to. Somehow.
Because one day this whole meal planning thing will get easier, right? My children won’t hate the food I enjoy. I won’t take twice the preparation time to do something simple. I might learn how to create a dish without a base recipe to build from.
I just know I need to post here more, for me.
I need to finish writing my book.
I need at least five clones, but I figure my six-and-a-half-year-old will have the process figured out in two years, or have designed robotic alternatives.
Until then it’s one baby step at a time to reclaim my writing self.
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How do you balance your “me” time with your “must do” time? Any secrets?