Does anyone remember Denis Leary’s comedy routine about NyQuil aka The Green Death? (Warning, it is NSFW… because it is Denis Leary)
Did you know the only way to currently get Original Green Death Formula NyQuil is behind the pharmacy counter now because *GASP* it has the evil pseudoephedrine in it?
Because I totally plan on ruining a good batch of NyQuil to make meth.
I know this fact because my house is currently The House of Sickness. Lil Diva and I fell victim to a cold last week and I now have The Evil Cough That is Now Likely Bronchitis. You know, the one that sounds like I smoke four packs a day and I’m attempting to hack up my pancreas.
The very same one I had last November.
It kept me from visiting my dear friend for her child’s birthday party last weekend, though CG and my kids both attended.
Little did we know it had a hidden theme: The Viral Mixer.
The birthday boy came down with the flu. His brother a fever of unknown origin. Another attendee was sick that night with a stomach virus, which also took down his mother and little brother.
Another guest ran a fever within days.
I knew we were on borrowed time.
Then last night my husband and son ran fevers. Both are home sick today.
I asked my husband if I could get him anything while I was out.
His only request: NyQuil.
As I searched the shelves of Target, looking for the easy to swallow capsules a suspicion grew.
NyQuil was THE GREEN DEATH. Surely this meant it was too powerful to buy if you were underage or forgot your license at home.
I was right. I eventually found the card you take to the pharmacy to get anything with pseudoephedrine. I compared the backs and noticed the vital ingredient for decongestant WAS MISSING on the capsule form.
I took a box and the card to the pharmacist.
“So uh, which one is the ORIGINAL NyQuil formula? You know, the one that worked?”
He laughed. “The one back here.”
“Do you have a capsule form of it?”
He shook his head “They used to make it for all forms. Now they only make the liquid.”
“I take one bottle then. My husband wants the stuff that actually works.”
I pulled out my license and paid, glad I’d thought to check and done so during pharmacy hours.
And now, the husband is asleep, I’m coughing with a killer sinus headache threatening to turn into a migraine, my daughter is hopping around likely getting her brother’s germs, my son wants a snack, and the house is a Kleenex graveyard.
But hey, we have Green Death. The Original “big N, little y, big f***in Q!” Although now it’s no longer called the original. Now it’s NyQuil D.
I just can’t give any to the kids.
In fact, they removed everything from the market for kids that has any active ingredients.
I won’t tell them if you won’t.
Oh crap, my son has the chills again. Poor kid.
What medication(s) help you survive when you’re sick? What illnesses plagued your household this winter and what was your cure?