House of Sickness: The Search for Original NyQuil

Does anyone remember Denis Leary’s comedy routine about NyQuil aka The Green Death? (Warning, it is NSFW… because it is Denis Leary)

Did you know the only way to currently get Original Green Death Formula NyQuil is behind the pharmacy counter now because *GASP* it has the evil pseudoephedrine in it?

Because I totally plan on ruining a good batch of NyQuil to make meth.

I know this fact because my house is currently The House of Sickness. Lil Diva and I fell victim to a cold last week and I now have The Evil Cough That is Now Likely Bronchitis. You know, the one that sounds like I smoke four packs a day and I’m attempting to hack up my pancreas.

That cough.

The very same one I had last November.

It kept me from visiting my dear friend for her child’s birthday party last weekend, though CG and my kids both attended.

Little did we know it had a hidden theme: The Viral Mixer.

The birthday boy came down with the flu. His brother a fever of unknown origin.  Another attendee was sick that night with a stomach virus, which also took down his mother and little brother.

Another guest ran a fever within days.

I knew we were on borrowed time.

Then last night my husband and son ran fevers. Both are home sick today.

I asked my husband if I could get him anything while I was out.

His only request: NyQuil.

As I searched the shelves of Target, looking for the easy to swallow capsules a suspicion grew.

NyQuil was THE GREEN DEATH. Surely this meant it was too powerful to buy if you were underage or forgot your license at home.

I was right. I eventually found the card you take to the pharmacy to get anything with pseudoephedrine. I compared the backs and noticed the vital ingredient for decongestant WAS MISSING on the capsule form.

I took a box and the card to the pharmacist.

“So uh, which one is the ORIGINAL NyQuil formula? You know, the one that worked?”

He laughed. “The one back here.”

“Do you have a capsule form of it?”

He shook his head “They used to make it for all forms. Now they only make the liquid.”

“I take one bottle then. My husband wants the stuff that actually works.”

I pulled out my license and paid, glad I’d thought to check and done so during pharmacy hours.

And now, the husband is asleep, I’m coughing with a killer sinus headache threatening to turn into a migraine, my daughter is hopping around likely getting her brother’s germs, my son wants a snack, and the house is a Kleenex graveyard.

But hey, we have Green Death. The Original “big N, little y, big f***in Q!” Although now it’s no longer called the original. Now it’s NyQuil D.

NyQuil D is the original Green Death, and you have to get it in the pharmacy.

If there isn’t a “d” it lacks the decongestant, which was in the original NyQuil formula. That would be the fourth active ingredient, the evil Pseudoephedrine HCl.

I just can’t give any to the kids.

In fact, they removed everything from the market for kids that has any active ingredients.

I won’t tell them if you won’t.

Oh crap, my son has the chills again. Poor kid.

What medication(s) help you survive when you’re sick? What illnesses plagued your household this winter and what was your cure?

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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12 Responses to House of Sickness: The Search for Original NyQuil

  1. TheAlaskan says:

    They have meds for kiddos. You just have to buy them separately. Lil Diva is still “too young” for certain meds but the Tackler is able to get them. They have Sudafed in liquid. They can order a generic super cheap one for you via Cardinal at Walgreens The antihistamine you can give them is Zyrtec or Claritin. Then of course you already have Tylenol at home. Bam! There is your NyQuil! Lil Diva is a no go on the cough suppressant and Sudafed but can have the rest. Why don’t you call me for these issues???

  2. TheAlaskan says:

    Alternate ibuprofen and Tylenol with the Tackler for the chills. If you need doses, call me.

    • I think we only have one in the house. When his fever is lowgrade (100 or less) we don’t treat it so his body can fight the infection. We only treat it if it gets above that. He didn’t feel that warm when he had the chills either.

      I like your concoction for NyQuil. 🙂 Any decongestants are banned for Lil Diva, sadly, that was my main complaint. I know The Tackler is now six and can get some of the other stuff. Thanks for the Sudafed tip.

      I’m pretty sure CG and The Tackler have the flu, based on CG’s symptoms. Lovely as we did get the flu shot/mist this year. We’d been lucky to avoid it so far.

  3. Katie says:

    We have a mild stomach bug at our house and LM is running a fever. Mild stomach bug may not sound like much but it’s torture when you have a less-than-week-old abdominal incision 😦

  4. I still stick to my college-age remedy of drinking a cold to death. Or the flu. Or whatever ails you.

  5. Masala Chica says:

    I never saw that Dennis Leary routine but that’s pretty accurate. I don’t know if Nyquil helps me or just makes the misery more manageable by knocking me out. It’s debatable.

  6. Pingback: House of Sickness Part 2: Stomach Virus Addition | Dances with Chaos

  7. Daniel says:

    Listening to the Dennis Leary comedy, googled nightquill out of curiosity, thanks for writing.

  8. says:

    You can no longer buy the original NyQuil (the stuff that works). It’s now been completely pulled from the market including ‘behind the pharmacy’! Thanks stupid meth heads!!! Now our family is sick and miserable but I’m sure addicts are doing just fine on whatever they can shoot up, snuff, smoke or swallow!

  9. The Ceej says:

    I must have ended up on some sort of a list because I had to go to eight different pharmacies before I found one that admitted that NyQuil D even existed, let alone willing to sell it to me. Also, it doesn’t show up on their website for me when I do a product search.

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