The Secret Birthday Equation

I discovered the secret mathematical equation for a child’s birthday party.

Let’s just skip over the fact it happened almost a month ago…

It’s basic math people.

Torrential Downpour + Toys + Blindfold game + Cake + Magician + Balloons


A Pack of Happy Guests + Cloud Nine Birthday Boy + Mommy Laryngitis

Not ideal outdoor birthday party weather.

The perfect birthday weather - as long as the party is planned for indoors.

1 Storm System – Be sure to have torrential downpour throughout the day and don’t worry about adding some pea-sized hail – cementing your wisdom at not attempting an outside party.

100s of Toys – Allow full access to the toys. Trains, balls, cars, dolls, play food, trampoline…. Somehow it will magically entertain the kids in a civilized fashion, allowing the hostess to chat with the adults and finalize any party set-up.

1 Cheesy Party Game –These games exist for a reason. Ours? Stick the jellyfish in Sponge Bob’s net paired with a blindfold that loved to slide off each child’s face.

Ask each child their name and age. Spin each child around the same revolution as their age. Listen to the other children giggle because spinning blindfolded children is hilarious to five year olds. Be sure if you do have a prize, you have consolation prizes for everyone else.

Cheesy party games exist for a reason - kids love them.

I underestimated the winning hit of blindfolds, spinning, and jellyfish stickers. I finally understand why this game exists.

1 Cake –Always have a chocolate and a white cake option. Decorate it yourself or hand it off to the professionals. The kids won’t care: they just want cake.

Fun fact: some bakeries have cool scanning machine and can put whatever image you want onto a cake.

The Tackler waits patiently for the cake's photo-op before it goes under the knife.

Sidenote:Cut bigger slices for the guests, or you will be eating cake for the next week….

My 2 year old ate more cake than the older kids...

Lil Diva and The Tackler approved of the cake - she even had seconds.

1 Magician –You have a houseful of kids and adults and it is pouring rain outside. You need entertainment. A magician is perfect for the five year old crowd and they will be riveted – allowing you time to clean up the cake mess before it spreads around the entire house.

Birthday boy magic

The Tackler as The Magician's lovely birthday assistant. He still talks about the trick he helped on - almost a month later.

If they are a good magician, they also enthrall the adults…

The funniest balloon hat I have ever seen.

The hat was almost as funny as watching the magician make it.

6 balloons… per child – These aren’t just any balloons: they are magic ones. Six are used to make a hat for the birthday boy. A crazy hat. One capable of fitting into the Dr. Seuss world.

Each child gets a balloon to hold or wear.

Be sure multiple children choose to have swords created to ensure a battle.

All of the above ensure:

10 Happy Children – They’ve played, consumed sugar, been entertained, and now have balloons to pop.

1 Ecstatic Birthday Boy – This is before he opens the pile of presents he’s been drooling over during the party lulls.

1 Mother with Laryngitis – I’m pretty sure the magician made it disappear, just to make sure the check cleared. It vanished sometime during the magic show and made me doubly glad I wasn’t responsible for entertaining the kids.

It took a week to recover.

I ate a lot of cake to help it along….

* * *

What is your magic birthday formula?


About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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9 Responses to The Secret Birthday Equation

  1. My son goes to overnight camp in the summer and so we have never really celebrated on his birthday since he was 8 years old!


    This year he switched months, so he will be home!

    He’ll be turning 13. I think means he and his friends will bring over their game systems and play Minecraft until someone realizes he is hungry. Then they will eat eleventeen-hundred slices of pizza and have cake. Or Pop Rocks. When it gets dark, flashlight tag is a must! Then he can have 2 friends sleep over. Everyone else can ship out at 11 pm.

    Done and done.

  2. Oh, and happy b’day to the Tackler!

  3. Annie says:

    FIVE! Wow! Happy Birthday Tackler. That hat is fantastic. 🙂

    My oldest boy turns 11 this week. We are going to a place called Going Bonkers. I’m sure that will describe my state of mind during the party.

  4. I swear I can hear the other children giggling while you spun the one in the blindfold.
    I can.

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