Seeking: All Body Cover and Weird Al Apprenticeship

As mentioned last Friday, my almost-five-year-old has just learned to ride a bike – to which there are three steps.

Step 1: Learn to balance while the bike is moving. Completion of this step marks the removal of training wheels.

The three steps to learning to ride a bike.

This is the same child who refused to pedal.

Step 2: Learn how to transition from standing still to pedaling without tipping over. A difficult step to learn until aforementioned training wheels are removed, this and step 3 caused my son to “want his training wheels back”.

He fell. A lot.

Step 3: Learn how to dismount the bike without crashing or racking the sensitive bits on the evil bar.

He crashed. He fell. A lot.

Tears and frustrated meltdowns occurred.

My husband and I discussed buying knee pads for him.

The Tackler’s response?

“I need an all body cover so I don’t get scratches.” 

Friday, nothing was more beautiful than the grin on his face the first time he pushed off by himself.

It lit up the whole street.

Three days off for “cold weather” (i.e. T-shirt weather in the north) and Tuesday something magical happened.

He stopped, straddling the bar instead of tipping over.

I got the smile again. The joy.

And it was awesome.

* * *

We love Italian food. Lil Diva considers it a personal challenge to shove as much pasta into her mouth as possible.

Monday night is “order a family size platter for the price of a regular entree” – it feeds our entire family of four. The place also has the best bread.

There is something about sitting down for a meal that brings out the silly in my kids. They quest to force the other to laugh at increasing volume until squeals make every table stare in our direction.

I have got to see if it is on YouTube because I totally missed this.

Luckily, this place is loud.

The Tackler was in a singing mood last Monday. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he’d been on YouTube watching the Superbowl halftime show that my husband was supposedly recording (he wasn’t), but I only heard about it on facebook and Twitter.

It was Party Rock Anthem all the way. Tackler style.

“Party rock is in the volcano tonight. Everbody’s gonna have an ouchie time.”


“Everyone is in the cake tonight. Everybody’s gonna have a yummy time.”

Then he went through various body parts.

“Everyone is in the stomach acid/bladder/nose/lungs/ tonight….”

I laughed so hard it transformed into full body silent shaking.

He could be the next Weird Al.

I may have to keep him.

* * *

Have your children gotten creative with song lyrics? Do tell…


About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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14 Responses to Seeking: All Body Cover and Weird Al Apprenticeship

  1. John says:

    So very glad to hear that The Tackler has gotten beyond his bike riding frustrations . . . I can tell you that I read this post without crossing my legs (although that’s partly due to a wardrobe malfunction with my run this morning, and I have a chafing issue that’s leading me to want to keep my thighs far, far apart).

    My daughter, also, seems to take it as a mission to shove as much pasta into her face at a time . . . also, she doesn’t believe in bites, which is quite disconcerting when she eats a banana.

  2. Annie says:

    Oh, Tackler and Speedy need to get together and cut a record. Speedy is our comic singer. He’s had me laughing so hard I’ve been reduced to tears.

    Love the bike. We just got Taz one of those balance bikes. giving it to him in a few weeks on his 4th. We shall see how it goes!

    • I had to Google “balancing bike”. I’d never heard of it before. It looks very cool. It might have worked for The Tackler too, as he hated pedaling.

      My husband wanted to take of The Tackler’s training wheels almost immediately, fearing “bad habits”. It did not go well.

      I argued against it, saying once the wheels touched less we would. And we did. It took only just over a month for him to learn and a few days to get the whole “start and stop without crashing”.

      I think a duet would be hilarious.

  3. souldipper says:

    I remember those bike learning days. Ouch! A long gradual hill was my point of letting go. It didn’t kill me. The bike became an extension to my body. 😀

  4. Oh God, I still change lyrics depending on my mood. I blame my brother, he was always vulgar when he did it though.Now, my husband and I compete over our versions. He, too, is vulgar most of the time.

  5. jesterqueen1 says:

    Yay for the bike rider! My daughter just just JUST learned this! She’s eight, and we are so proud of her. And my kids are lifelong song manipulators.

  6. debseeman says:

    I love laughing at and with kids. Their sense of timing and humor is so odd and fun. Neat memory for you on both accounts. Conquering the bike is monumental and family song time is priceless.

  7. Love the lyrics adjustments. Get that boy an agent. 😉

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