Top 10 Things to Avoid Over the Holidays

This year is all about new holiday traditions.

They will either fail miserably, or this will reign as the best year ever.

In hopes the latter prevails, here are a few things I’d like to avoid to keep this a happy holiday…

Top 10 Things To Avoid This Holiday Season

10.  Storms of any kind. Blizzards. Ice storms. Thunderstorms. Stay the frak away. We have planes and mountainous driving on our agenda and any kind of inclement weather is likely to strand us somewhere we do not wish to be.

9.  The airplane bathroom. Especially with a child longer than 25 inches. My daughter didn’t fit on the changing table a year ago. She’s now two. She isn’t potty trained. I’m packing a Hazmat suit in my carry-on in case our last flight to Coloradodecides to repeat itself.

Also not sized to fit into an airplane bathroom.

Side note: I did not take into account if I use oxygen with my Hazmat suit, I won't actually fit into the bathroom...

8.  Germs. Nearly an impossible task when the two year old still taste tests most inanimate objects and does not grasp either the “five second rule” or that it only applies to her own food, not other people’s. Since I procreated, almost every Christmas we have traveled has turned into a Sickmas.

7.  Ear infections. Flying beats driving, but it often has the evil side effect of creating ear infections in one or both of my children. Mental note: do not forget their insurance cards… (side note: guess what I forgot…)

6.  Connecting flights. In the spirit of the Murhpy’s Law of Traveling, if it can go wrong, it will go wrong – especially over the holidays. Pick somewhere with a direct flight or make room for pillows in case the airport becomes your new residence.

5. Any shopping area prior to 8 PM, especially when accompanied by children. The mall. Walmart. Even the grocery store. Every damn one of them has strategically placed kiosks you will be forced to stand by as your children suddenly insist they must have all of it for Christmas.

Who actually drinks Egg nog?

Just say "NO."

4.  Egg Nog. Just on principle. It’s isn’t egg nor nog. Or milk. Or likely to give you a buzz. And it smells bad. What the frak, people? Please tell me what anyone could possibly see in this vile drink.

3.  Neglecting to put your packed luggage into the car. Always do a luggage check before leaving your house. Don’t ask your husband to load the car and assume he paid attention. You don’t want to open the rear hatch upon arriving at the airport and realize the important bag containing everything other than extra diapers is still zipped up in your bedroom. Trust me on this.

2.  Standing in the cold air shivering in a bathing suit and towel, only to realize your hot tub is ice cold. If you’re visiting somewhere with a hot tub, be sure to examine its temperature as soon as possible and before your toes are frozen to the ground and you find ice floating in it. Luckily, my dad discovered the problem before I ventured outside.

1.  Leaving the key to the place you’re renting sitting on your desk at home. You meticulously pack. You have checklists. Somehow, because you’re used to having to check-in at a desk, you forget to write “key” on the checklist. Your husband thinks of asking about the key as you do your aforementioned luggage check, but fails to mention this idea aloud. The epiphany of the key’s location hits you in a Chik-Fil-A where you stopped to wear out your children before mountain driving. You call the owner in a panic.

The owner states you are the first person to have ever forgotten the key in all of their years of renting.

If you’re lucky, they have a keypad on the garage so you can still get in. And a spare key welded to a horseshoe.

If not… You’re screwed.

What other pitfalls should I avoid over the holidays?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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24 Responses to Top 10 Things to Avoid Over the Holidays

  1. I don’t get the whole eggnog thing either.

  2. Rob Rubin says:

    I disagree on the eggnog. When mixed with ice cream, rum, and cognac it is so good you forget you are drinking eggnog. In fact, you end up forgetting a lot of things.

  3. Kate says:

    I forgot my suitcase once. And, it was one of those occasions where I slipped in supervising the whole car loading deal. Thankfully, it was just for an overnight at my sister’s home. She had extra clothing I could borrow. Also, I am one of those who can’t make it through the holiday with at least one helping of Egg Nog spiked with spicy rum. Delicious! I can say I am not discriminant when it comes to food and beverage selections. I like just about everything. It’s a gene my dad passed on to me.

  4. I’m already at Sickmas. I’m hoping it will go away soon. Like today. I have 100% laryngitis, so it possible that everyone else is really enjoying this. 😉

    • Oh lord. 100% laryngitis is fun as a teacher, no? Right up there (almost) with being a parent of a toddler who will not listen to a damn thing you say if it’s in a whisper…

      Praying to avoid Sickmas. Been there, done that way too many years.

      I hope you feel better soon.

  5. Katie says:

    100% with you on eggnog. One of the most horrible drinks that has ever entered my mouth. Yuck!

  6. John says:

    I still cringe when I think about your luggage situation from last year . . . but you’re wrong on eggnog — it’s so very delightful – and when made right, gets you very buzzed. I’m trying to think how I even started drinking it, though, because I haven’t a clue.

    And I’m hoping for the pass on Sickmas, as we had the puketastic Thanksgiving . . . but, well, Dr Murphy seems to like me over a barrel lately . . . I never knew a prostate exam was supposed to involve two hands on your shoulders.

    • I see Murphy has left me for you… temporarily. Sorry about that.

      Surely the puketastic Thanksgiving will have contained the virus that also likes to visit at Sickmas… right?

      I’m wondering what it is you add to your eggnog to get a buzz… Surely whatever it is, it would taste better without the eggnog in it.

  7. May says:

    It has been so long since I have had a little sick kid at Christmas, but for several years this was our tradition as well.

  8. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes says:

    Eggnog, bleh. I will only consume with like six shots on espresso in there.

  9. Clearly you have not had my friend’s eggnog. It’s so good and full of “Grandpa’s special juice” that it puts hair on your chest. Mmmmm……

    Another pitfall that comes to mind: black ice on sidewalks. Then falling on your ass. Ouch.

    • I have to say I have tried to avoid accumulating any hair upon my chest. It’s already weird enough after nursing two babies. 🙂

      Amen on the black ice. I almost forgot about it living in Texas, but it plagued us mercilessly when I lived in Iowa. I am more terrified of it on interstates than sidewalks though. Had a few harrowing instances where either a car, a ditch, or other obstacle was narrowly averted due to black ice.

  10. Robbie says:

    I agree…eggnog is repulsive.

    Once Hubs repacked our luggage thinking he was being helpful putting all the diapers in our checked luggage. We had 10 hours of airports and traveling and then were blessed with delays. Airport gift shops don’t stock Huggies…nor does Traveler’s Aid. He begged various travelers for a spare diaper.

    • Oh. My. Lord.

      This is often why I eschew my husband’s “help”.

      I always overpack on diapers. I plan for rampant diaper leaking every hour… just so it doesn’t happen.

      And ten hours of airports and delays…. So exhausting.

      Here’s hoping any holiday travel this year is less evil for you.

      Thank you for commenting!

  11. Kerry says:

    As long as you have your insurance card, or CG’s insurance card, they should be able to get The Tackler’s or L’il Diva’s insurance information.

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