Maybe My Children Won’t Hate Each Other…

There have been many times I’ve debated the sanity of procreating more than once: pretty much every day from when Lil Diva was about four months old until eighteen months, plus at least once a week every week following that.

It isn’t that I don’t love both kids. I do. I cannot imagine my life without either one.

It was more to do with my frustration, predominantly on The Tackler’s part, about sibling rivalry.

He was so mean to his sister. Every. Day.

This the same child who was once the sweetest boy.

Then shots of light shone through the dark.

Snuggles between siblings.

Snuggling that doesn't happen when my son is in time out is about as rare as date nights with my husband.

Moments, tiny ones, of happiness, laughter, and harmony between the two.

Then slightly longer ones that send me running for the camera to remind myself, while they might not get along, they do seem to love each other.

My two children share a rare sweet moment.

I live for those smiles.

Sure they’re fighting five minutes later.

But the moments in between are so sweet.

And I am very thankful for them.

My kids snuggle.

Is it wrong I wish every moment were like this?

Do your children get along or do you feel like a WWF referee all day?


About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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16 Responses to Maybe My Children Won’t Hate Each Other…

  1. Elena Aitken says:

    I love those moments with the kids.
    With my two, given that they’re twins, they have a serious love hate relationship. As babies and toddlers it was much more love. Then there was a HUGE fight period. And now, at nine, they seem to have settled in to a pretty good friendship. With moments of fighting of course. 🙂

  2. I feel like I’m constantly breaking up fights.

    But, let someone else try to pick on one of my boys, and the other two will put a stop to it real quick. They really do love each other- they just fight, too.

  3. Jen says:

    My kids did this too, Especially the girls….”don’t look at me”…”you turn out the light”, “no you turn out the light!” It was so infuriating back then. Now they’re grown- gone and i long to hear those darn fights!

  4. shoes says:

    My boys are two years apart (they are 5 and 3 now) and I worried for quite a while that they would never love each other. Cody was not excited about having a baby brother. They fought all the time, even went through a stage where I could not leave them alone in the same room for five minutes without one of them biting the other one. Maddening! It has gotten much better and for the past 6 months or so they get along more then they fight. It is wonderful that you were able to capture those fleeting sweet moments of hugs.

  5. Jackie says:

    Yes… and it never seems to end. My middle two girls (9 & 12) are always… ALWAYS… bickering back and forth. It drives me insane! My hope is that one day they will outgrow it.

  6. Not for nothing, but there’s something special about the big brother/little sister relationship (especially when they are close together).

    My kids LOVE the heck out of each other and as much as there were/are fights, they are nothing like the same-gender fights I see between my nephews and my friends with girls.

    This is, of course, what I TELL myself because I adore my sister (which Karly will never have) and my husband had three sisters and wished heartily for Jack to have a brother (which he will never have) so we instead look for the silver lining.

    They don’t compete in the same way because they are SO different.
    They are comfortable with the opposite gender and see no mystery surrounding boys OR girls they befriend.
    They balance each other out hormonally in the teen years.

    So yes. Your children won’t hate each other.
    But mostly because you model love for them every day.
    And that’s matters more than gender or hormones or shared toys or anything else.

    After all.

  7. My girls are polar opposites and can drive each other crazy, but they have an undeniable bond that remains strong. I too live for those snuggly moments and they come around just often enough to keep me sane.

  8. Oh, those photos slay me, Kell. Bloody gorgeous.

    Do my kids get along? Hahahahaha. No.

    Ziggy hero worships his older brother – like, seriously. Today when Luca was at kinder, Zig fell asleep in the pram while we were shopping. He woke as I was putting him into the carseat and before he had even opened his eyes, he said, “Bubba?” – brother – which is what he calls Luca.

    But they fight A LOT. Referee is almost my number one job these days. It drives me batshit crazy.

    I think maybe it will get better…..maybe.

  9. Beautiful pics of your kids. Right now my husband and I (uh, hmm, ME) are thinking about having a second baby. I really want my daughter to have a sibling to grow up with. I know that there will be sibling rivalry and all that, and that I probably will feel like a WWF referee at times, but in the end it will all be worth it… hopefully…

  10. That last picture. Oh. So. Perfect.

    If they would just hold it. 😉

  11. John says:

    Those are very, very sweet pictures.

    As someone who was about the same amount older than his sister as the Tackler is to Lil’ Diva, things are going to get worse sometimes . . . because kids can be meaner & meaner as they get older (but, Lil’ Diva will soon be getting her kicks in – figuratively & literally).

    But, you also have the start to a very, very special best friendship that you’ll get to witness firsthand. And that’s pretty cool.

  12. Jess says:

    I just love how his leg is wrapped around her!

    So far, so good with my two but then again Finn’s only (nearly) 19 months and Asha’s only (just) 3 months old! Finn adores her so far, we can quickly calm him down from a crying fit by asking him to give Asha a hug 🙂 Fingers crossed the doting will continue!!

  13. Pippa says:

    What beautiful images! Oh hold on to those magical moments. In 18 years they will really value each other… I so remember being like that with my brothers, particularly the one 2 years younger than me, and now they are both so important in my life.

  14. January says:

    Oh I’m a total referee. And I have 2 boys so it’s clotheslining, bodyslamming, headlock central here from morning, noon to night. But I swear they do love each other sometimes.

    And as a sidenote – I swear to GOD I have the same couch as you in our rec room. (and I love the mussy hair pics – so cute!)

  15. Such an appropriate post with my 6 and 2 year old boys fighting on the stairs first thing in the morning! But last night they were wrestling with great giggles at bedtime. Seriously adorable. So far (knock on wood) I haven’t seen the nastiness among my kids that I lived through and participated in myself as a child. Maybe (in my case) it’s the difference between boys and girls. 🙂

  16. The pictures are lovely! You can’t fake true affection, and it shows here.

    Maybe your children will grow up and be the best of friends. But maybe they won’t.

    I have a girl and a boy also, but they are farther apart in age (5 years) and this gap works in some respects. Although the leg up in maturity can also cause quite a disparity in fighting methods, ie.) name calling vs. weaponry building. 😉

    All we can do is try to raise children who are pleasant to be around and tolerant of each other’s differences. Sometimes this doesn’t “click” for many, many years. But we just keep on loving them through it.

    I think this post is proof that you are doing just that.

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