The Mommy Time Bomb

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moment (WTFM) is brought to you by……….

The Mommy Time Bomb: Four frustrating events, each annoying on their own, are packed into two hours. I go from happy mommy to almost homicidal and have to call in reinforcements.

How it all unfolded last Wednesday afternoon…

2:15 PM – Lil Diva balks at nap time routine. Again. Squirms. I lay her down anyway.

2:25 PM – After continued complaints and screaming, I deduce she needs to run and fill her diaper. She is released.

Oh frak #1

2:33 PM – Diaper is changed, and nap time routine part two takes place. I leave her alone in the bedroom for thirty seconds to grab her pacifier. I come back and find her chewing on something.

2:34 PM –I pull a small white circle from her mouth, then find the source.

My 2 year old chewed on my iPod headset and destroyed it.

Notice the bite marks on the outer covering?

My two year old daughter tried to EAT my iPod headset.

Who the frak chews on a headset? Seriously?

2:36 PM – She’s in her bed again protesting her nap.

2:40 PM – She’s finally quiet.

Oh frak #2

3:04 PM – I instant message Bobbi: “Just shoot me.”

Lil Diva is awake and pissed off after napping less than thirty minutes.

3:10 PM – I spend the next forty-five minutes trying to calm her down and get her back to sleep as we watched Castle.

4:01 PM – She discovers her brother, cheers up, and I let them play upstairs. I listen carefully for tears but all I hear are squeals of laughter and joy.

I start to think the day will turn out okay.

Oh frak #3

4:40 PM I am on the phone with my friend Mia when The Tackler walks down the stairs.

“Mommy, we emptied all the drawers.”

what happens when you leave your kids alone and they're happy

It could've been worse: I had a full laundry basket of folded clothes I hadn't put away yet.

“What?!” I look at his grin, part mischief, part pride and a sinking feeling hits me. “Mia, I’m pretty sure my children just emptied their entire dresser. I’m going to grab my camera before I go upstairs so I don’t strangle my children.”

4:41 PM I walk up the stairs, taking deep breaths, knowing the urge to strangle both children is certain to arise. I peer into the room and see this:

A slight stench wafts to my nose as I took in the destruction.

“Mia I’m going to have to call you back later.”

I go downstairs and grab a diaper and wipes.

Oh frak #4

4:42 PM – “Mommy, I can’t get in my room.” The Tackler says as I reach the top of the stairs. On the other side of the door I hear Lil Diva crying. I twist the knob.

It’s locked.

Are you frakking kidding me?!

“HOW DID THE DOOR GET LOCKED?”

My son gives me a look, knowing he’s in trouble. “I locked it and I shut the door.”

“YOU CANNOT LOCK THE DOOR LIKE THAT. NOW I CANNOT GET INTO YOUR BEDROOM BECAUSE YOUR SISTER DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO UNLOCK IT AND SHE’S IN A POOPY DIAPER.”

The Tackler is sent to time-out as I rush back down the steps again, this time in search of the one screwdriver tiny enough to fit into the hole for the locking mechanism.

4:43 PM – Thankfully it is in its place, because at this point I am a fraction from losing it.

Ok, that’s a lie. I have lost it, but keep moving on mommy auto-pilot.

I unlock the door.

I change Lil Diva.

I inform my son, “You will pick up all of those clothes and put them into a neat pile.”

He goes into his room.

4:45 PM – I hear a battle breaking out as I wash my hands.

“Mommy she’s messing my pile all up!” They are in a full blown sibling push fest.

“STOP IT!”

4:46 PM – I take Lil Diva downstairs so The Tackler can pick up the clothes.

She whines. She cries.

“Why didn’t you NAP LONGER?!

I am on edge. My patience obliterated. Each whine hits my sinuses as a headache materializes.

I recognize my responses are over-the-top and irrational. Too many events, too close, are mixed with sleep deprivation, an exploded house, and constant whining into a combustible concoction more potent than napalm.

4:50 PM – My nerves continue to fray with every cry of Lil Diva’s. I want to run screaming from the house. I instant message Bobbi.

Me: FRAK FRAK FRAK!

It takes her a few minutes to respond as my daughter begs to be picked up so she can scream closer to my now exploding sinuses.

I want to cry.

bobbi (10/12/2011 4:52:08 PM): What?
me (4:52:15 PM): can you take my kids?
bobbi (4:52:17 PM): I need more than expletives here
me (4:52:19 PM): before I kill them
bobbi (10/12/2011 4:52:28 PM): What's going on?
me (10/12/2011 4:52:32 PM): can you take them?
me (10/12/2011 4:52:35 PM): it is yes or no
bobbi (10/12/2011 4:52:45 PM): Yes, how long?
me (10/12/2011 4:53:01 PM): until CG gets home

5 PM – Lil Diva senses something is different and miraculously goes into the play room.

I sneak upstairs where my son gets his first lesson in clothes folding.

He isn’t half bad. As long as wrinkles don’t count.

Bobbi shows up and saves my children from me until CG gets home. Then I dump the kids on him and leave to eat dinner with Bobbi.

When you want to explode at everyone.

Every little thing made me want to explode.

Have I had worse days before? Yes.

For whatever reason on Wednesday, my patience was thin. My fuse was lit.

I was a mommy time bomb.

Thank goodness Bobbi arrived to defuse me….

Have you ever experienced the mommy/daddy time bomb mode?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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18 Responses to The Mommy Time Bomb

  1. This is an incredible post! I love your idea to take a picture before getting mad and then blog it out. That just might save both me and my future kids when I start a family!

  2. To answer your question. YES! Over and over and bloody over!
    My patience had once been obliterated so badly I ended up with a migraine and hugging the toilet bowl the rest of the evening. I literally can sometimes feel my blood pressure rising at times. I know it sounds weired but I can feel it.
    As of late I always seem to be a mommy time bomb. Every sqeak can sometimes set me off and I want to just run away and hide before I do something serious to my kids.
    I totally understand where you are coming from here.
    There are good moments and I treasure those.
    I’m hoping that as they get older they will just sense the “dont mess with me today” vibes that ooze off of me.

    • Do you have an emergency person to call on?

      Last summer I reached a point where the joy seemed sucked out of my life. I had to get away.

      I fled to Canada.

      It helped so much. I had never had a mommy vacation.

      Try to get out for a night alone.

      It helps too.

      But the children do love to issue a challenge – with two of them excelling at button pushing…

  3. OOOOH! and PS: I am so glad to see that I am not the only one who uses the nappy boxes as toy storage items. Woohoo!

    • My children have destroyed so many IKEA plastic containers, and they run about $4 a piece. Since I have a constant supply of diaper boxes, it seemed prudent to use those as well.

      Plus The Tackler thinks they make great robot heads.

      The “free” things are often the most entertaining…

  4. John says:

    Oh, this whole misadventure is just horrible . . . my son has eaten many an earphone . . . or tried to, but the locking of the door?

    Well, I’m going to start investing in small screwdrivers (both the tools and the drinks), just in case.

  5. Sparky says:

    Wow…I want a Bobbi.

    • Um, I’d offer to share mine, but I’m a bit possessive. She also has zero time with being a full time student and organizing the OCD conferences this weekend.

      I was very lucky she was even home that afternoon.

      But yes, everyone should have a Bobbi.

  6. This does sound like a pretty normal Wednesday. Sadly Hiroshima is never that far away 😛

  7. Leigh Ann says:

    I’m always leery when they’re quiet and out of my site. Usually doesn’t end well. And who the hell put locks on the inside of the bedroom doors? I want to lock them in, not have them lock me out! Rachel locked it once and C had to bust it down to get her out.

    • I remember that story.

      I was afraid I’d have to do that while Lil Diva sat in a stinky diaper.

      Thank God the tiny screwdriver was where it was supposed to be, or I might have had a serious breakdown.

      And they weren’t quiet this time. They were laughing and screeching – their typical play volume.

      Too quiet I know I’d better run…

  8. There used to be a commercial that ran up here (my friend was in it). It featured children doing all the things you depict here, and the mother kind of going internally crazy (like you depict here). At the end of the Public Service Announcement, some voice over says: “Everyone has days like this, but no one gets hurt when you step away from your kids. Call a friend. Go outside. Breathe. Just don’t be afraid to step away from your kids.”

    I have to tell you: I’d be afraid to step away from your kids. L’il Diva could have choked on that disk! And what if they started unpacking my drawers?! (That came out wrong.)

    What a day! You are strong, lady. And thank goodness for good friends, right? 😉

    • Amen about the good friends. Sadly, my family is not around for these emergencies.

      My children do play alone, but Lil Diva is notorious for chewing on everything, so it darn well better be 100% childproof, which is impossible because her brother has entered the “tiny toy” era.

      Luckily she typically just chews. She doesn’t eat.

      I don’t think.

      I haven’t seen anything unusual in her diapers. But then, I try not to look.

      We had another incident today, but my patience had returned and I just took a photo of it. I’m sure it shall be in a future blog post…

      Sometimes I really wish I had cautious children, not one kamikaze and one kamikaze wannabe.

  9. ~C3 says:

    Do you live in my house? I’m pretty sure you must, because you just described me and my two boys…

  10. Flotilla boats leaving harbor should have a dive team scan (with underwater cameras) their hulls . I could see them sinking one, toinstill fear in the rest of the boats.

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