The Perfect Patsy

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moment (WTFM) is brought to you by………..

The Perfect Patsy: A mysterious “gift” is left for you, and who does it seems obvious. Or is it???


A week ago I was walking around, madly organizing my house while the kids were away at “school”.

As I crossed by the laundry room, I smelled a stench that did not belong in the hallway.



I performed the “where is this coming from dance”.

I walked to the laundry room, opening the door because the cat box is kept in there.

The scent vanished, leaving only the slight smell of kitty litter.

I moved to my son’s bedroom, wondering if he’d left a soaked diaper there or drenched his sheets.

The scent wafted away.

I sauntered in the guest bathroom, wondering if a pull-up lurked here.

No item greeted me, but the smell was stronger.

I looked in the toilet, wondering if my four and half year old forgot to flush, as he so often does.

The toilet was clear, but the urine filled smell bathed the room.

Perplexed, I looked at the floor. I do live with two boys.

No puddles or yellow trails snaking down the toilet.

The scene of the crime...

Finally, I slid open the shower door, left partially ajar.

And found it.

A small yellow puddle, just in front of the drain.

What the frak! I thought. Who pees in the shower?

The answer was obvious: The Tackler (he loves to use this bathroom, and will often indulge in some naked time until I insist on him re-clothing).

I picked him up from school and asked him, “Did you pee in the shower?” I kept my voice even, intending to give him a calm lecture on the appropriate location for waste evacuation.

“No, mommy.” He didn’t hesitate with his answer.

“Are you suuuuure?”

“No mommy, I didn’t do that.”

Figuring he was trying to avoid trouble and it was a freak occurrence, perhaps while half asleep, I let it go. “Okay, hon. Just remember we always use the potty to go to the bathroom.”

I mentioned the nasty mess and The Tackler’s response to CG. “I mean it has to be him. Lil Diva doesn’t know how to take off her pants yet, crawl into the tub, pee, and then somehow re-clothe herself. I’m guessing it wasn’t you…?”

He gave me an incredulous look. “No.”

“So that just leaves the cats.”

We both found the notion ridiculous.

Until yesterday.

My husband was upstairs getting some things when he heard the shower door rattling, as if someone was pushing on it.

He went into the guest bathroom.

And found someone in the tub:

What the frak?!

He’d left another liquid present.

The small slit in the door just big enough for him to squeeze through.

Caught in the act.

His plan of the purrfect Tackler patsy ruined.

I have no idea why he’s doing this – the litter box was cleaned.

The door is firmly shut now.

I hope he doesn’t know how to open it.

I wonder if I can teach him to use the toilet instead?

Because that would be cool.

If he didn’t miss.

Or fall in.

It is better than using the carpet or the couch.

And framing the 4.5 year old was rather brilliant….

Have your children or pets ever pulled off the “perfect frame”?

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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18 Responses to The Perfect Patsy

  1. Annie says:

    Holy Criminal Cat, Batman! That’s hilarious.

    I’m completely grossed out by the cat pee in the shower, though. The idea of Tackler pee did not bother me. Cat pee does. Is that weird?

    • No, I find it perfectly normal. You don’t have cats do you?

      I am completely repulsed by dog poop, because I do not have a dog. I gag just thinking about it. Never mind the stuff I’ve had to wipe off my children’s butts…

      It’s all what you’re used to.

      It grossed me out either way, but tub is scoured again – it is rarely used anyway. Kids shower/bathe in the master bathroom, I mostly do so at the gym. 🙂

      Still, I will take it over carpet, beds, and couches. It is the easiest place to clean up.

  2. Too funny. And is it true that cat pee smells worse than human pee?

    And suddenly I’m thinking of a New Zealand wine label called “Cat’s Pee in a Gooseberry Bush.”

    • I have not done a pee side-by-side comparison.

      Both stink, in my opinion.

      When they use the litter box I don’t really notice.

      But once when I was pregnant, a wet diaper of The Tackler’s made me gag and run to the bathroom.

      So either can be bad. 🙂

      I think I’d avoid that wine…

  3. Katie says:

    This cat seems fairly considerate to me. I mean, if he’s going to pee in the house (and not in his litter box), at least he picked someplace easy to clean up! I won’t go into too much of a dog poop story (don’t want you puking on your computer), but Luna was having some … issues … a couple of weeks ago, and managed to escape from the kitchen and have her accident on the carpet in the living room. I’m still trying to get the stains out. I wanted to wring her neck!

  4. lexy3587 says:

    Haha… frame the toddler! cats are all evil masterminds!
    maybe it was teh cat’s way of objecting to the fact that the door to the room with his litter-box in it was closed 😛
    My cats would, if they objected to the level of cleanliness of the litter box, pull some litter out and do their business on the pile on the floor

    • The door to their litter-box is always closed – they have a cat door to go through.

      They are typically good with the box. It’s how they love to puke on the carpet versus the tile that are our main issues.

      Cats are masterminds – and they don’t care who knows it.

  5. OH MAN! Sneaky ,little kitty!! I’m so glad that he chose the shower instead of the carpet. I’m telling you from experience, getting that smell out of carpet is HARD!!

    I hate cat pee. HATE IT!

  6. That is awesome! And if we could ever keep pets alive long enough, it would be kind of fun to enjoy their antics. Cannot believe it was the cat!

  7. Jen says:

    The smell, not so great I can imagine. Using the shower? Love it! Wish my cat did that! Yes, I think you should try potty training the cat! : )

  8. John says:

    So now I’m thinking about the scene in Meet the Parents where they teach their cat to use the toilet.

    Our cat will use anything that’s left out – a suitcase, a pile of sheets . . . really, anything that might be mistaken for a litterbox as a litterbox. It’s horrible, but makes you clean up after yourself.

    However, an open closet, just on the floor, is “close enough,” for her, and she loves peeing in an unguarded closet.

    Just, ewww.

  9. Mine has done that too!!! Wtf.

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