It’s Raining Anvils!

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moment (WTFM) is brought to you by………..

The Universe Achieving Balance: When the awesome moments of life complete the universes yin and yang by not just dropping the shoe, but many small anvils upon your head.

Nothing like having a few of these dropped upon your head when solo parenting.

Last week I wondered, “when would the shoe drop?” The kids had several days on their best behavior and life was awesome.

I knew it was only a matter of time before the natural yin/yang of the universe came into play.

What I still remember….

Anvil #1 – The night before leaving.

I had to finish packing. I had been 70% packed since Monday.

But I also had to escape my house for sanity purposes.

Lil Diva began to cough and cling and CG had a volleyball game that night.

No packing achieved before bedtime, which unfolded normally. Until…

CG placed Lil Diva in the crib.

She cried. She coughed. A lot.

I entered her room. It was dark. I picked her up.

Something was….off.

Her hair was wet – too wet. Even for post bath.

So were her clothes.

I turned on the light.

She and her bed looked like they’d been attacked by a fondu party.

What. The. Frak.

I hadn’t even fed her cheese today.

She coughed so hard while crying, she threw up, the cheese an unknown pre-bed snack from CG.

It’s like he’d forgotten what happened when a coughing child was fed blueberries just prior to bedtime……

We tagged teamed. He gave her the emergency shower.

We took turns scrubbing – because it was after 10 by the time everything was cleaned.

I still hadn’t touched packing.

I did two loads of laundry that night.

I was awake until 5 AM.

Anvil #2 – Airport Travel

I was up at 7 AM.

I was at the airport before 10:30 AM.

Yes, my suitcase made it there.

I longed for super powers, because corralling Lil Diva in an airport, while her brother sat obediently – thanks to the “You can have the iPod on airplane” reward – was insanely hard to do without making her scream.

I had a stroller. She wanted to walk.

When Lil Diva hacked up breakfast shortly after we sat on the plane – courtesy of another coughing fit – she did miss my shoes. And clothes.

Not the bags.

The flight attendant was very kind to bring me paper towels. Lots of them.

Neither child napped on the plane.

Anvil #3 – The Cough

My mother picked us up in Kansas City.

The kids were thrilled to see Mimi.

Then I had to drive to Des Moines. On two hours of sleep.

Lil Diva passed out the first few miles.

She coughed. And coughed. While napping.

She only slept fifteen minutes.

The drive still turned out amazingly well, mostly thanks to Mimi and the unparalleled joy my kids had from seeing her.

I even stayed awake, although the last twenty minutes were rough.

No nap should’ve meant early to bed.

But she screamed every time I laid her down. The screams led to more coughing.

My mother only has one crib sheet here – so another regurgitation episode would’ve been bad.

My sister took over The Tackler’s bath and story time as I spent the next hour watching iPod videos, snuggling with Lil Diva until she finally passed out.

It would not be a good night of sleep, thanks to The Cough.

Both kids were awake by 6:30 AM on Saturday.

What. The. Frak.

Did they not get the memo it was a vacation weekend?

I needed sleep.

The Tackler, feeling left out, had nightmares the next few nights. Luckily I only had to stumble into the next twin bed to cuddle and hear the dreams of girls being shrunk and flushed down a toilet bowl. Sponge Bob was somehow involved.

I really, really needed sleep.

Anvil #4 – Dropping like flies

The Tackler began to cough. Both children’s noses dripped. Then ran.

A cold? A virus? Insanely high allergens in the air?

All of the above?

Damn if the doctor could tell me. Or give me anything for an almost two year old.

Mimi joined in, going from fine to “sinus and ear infection, plus early bronchitis” in less than a day.

My father-in-law called – he thought he had the flu. Or a stomach virus.

Seriously? You’d have thought it was The Christmas Plague all over again.

Suddenly everyone had some ailment and I was left with just myself and the kids, wondering why the heck I wasn’t at home where at least I could use my gym to shower.

Anvil #5 – Lack of person hygiene

Day 3. No shower. I’m starting to smell.

With no auntie and uncle to babysit, no Mimi to entertain, and my only free time when Lil Diva sleeps (sharing the wall with the bathroom), I didn’t want to risk waking her up and having to soothe a cranky Diva while dripping wet.

Today I will shower. I swear.

Because I can’t take another day. And Mimi is feeling better now.

Life has been interesting, but I think the balance is nearly restored. And I’ll take the small anvils over the massive one that totaled my friend Annie’s car...

Have you had a what the frak moment lately?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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9 Responses to It’s Raining Anvils!

  1. so funny. i needed to read this!

  2. OH NO! I may have lost my own cheese when I read about the fondue…

    Poor baby. (And of course I mean you…)

    I hope everyone will get and STAY healthy.
    (Except for the damn anvil. He needs to go home.)

    • Amen about the anvil.

      The worst part about the fondue was the clinging nature of partially digested cheese… Luckily, it lacks the dye power of blueberries – which was the last time she had pyrotechnics….

      Can we meet for some drinks so I can unwind? That might help. 🙂

  3. Annie says:

    Oh my goodness! Disease! Pestilence! (Okay, maybe pestilence is pushing it but I was going for drama.) Seriously, you poor thing. I hope you got to have the best longest shower ever. 🙂

    Thanks for the linky love. No more anvils! We should have shirts made.

    • I’m sure Warner Brothers would scream copyright infringement but maybe if I renamed it a CHAOS brand anvil.. Hmmm..

      Now if only I was artsy. We could totally do T-shirts.

      I could not in good conscience share my WTF without mentioning yours, because your week had a hurricane of anvils, my dear…… Plus, our comments to each other inspired the title of this post. 🙂

  4. I cannot believe it. I refuse to believe you are being cosmically punished for your chick trip. You are a good momma.

    • Always, there has been a balance. If I ever experience awesome days where I like “Wow.. this parenting thing isn’t so bad. It’s a lot of fun. Gosh my kids are wonderful.” It is inevitably shortly followed by raining anvils… Or vice versa. Typically within 48 hours.

  5. Pingback: Butterflies Beat Goats, Tractors Trump All – The Fair Part 1 | Dances with Chaos

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