Daddy Boot Camp, Part 1

Today we have a guest post from the infamous, CG, aka Computer God, aka my husband, aka The Daddy. As I bonded with my Canadian sistahs, he vowed to shine as his role of Dad Solo. And yes, he wrote this “Elmo Style”, referring to himself in the third person. I’ve included my comments in italics.

* * *

Day minus 1.1: CG goes to bed at a reasonable hour (before 11:00). CG does not sleep until around midnight because Kelly decides to “pack” that night – after spending at least an hour and a half talking on Skype to one of the people she is going to meet on her trip.

(It was to figure out our first day and things like “how do I find you at the airport when I can’t use my cell phone?” Skype says it was 53 minutes, 43 seconds, not 90 minutes).

Day 0: Kelly is already gone and Diva comes with us to Tackler’s gymnastics school, and then gets dropped off at a friend’s house.

Day 0.1: CG takes his last chance to exercise before Kelly returns to do a little bit of running through the woods near work.

Day 0.75: CG returns from work at a slightly earlier than normal time to pick up Diva. Reportedly, she did pretty well – except resisting a nap (normal).

Day 0.80: CG swings by neighbor’s house to pick up the Tackler (her son is in the same gym school, so he came home and spent the afternoon with them). Tackler is happy to see CG (usual hiding routine, new environment).

Day 0.90: The rest of the day unfolds normally. Kids eat/play with Daddy, get bathed and go to bed.

Day 0 Executive Summary: Normal

Day 1.0: The Tackler enters the bedroom to wake CG. He is half naked. Breakfast is made, but plans to go to out early are dashed by poopus-interruptus. Everyone finally leaves after agreeing to take “G” (CG’s mother) out for errands. The errands go well enough (pharmacy, bank, library), the kids go the park for a short playtime while “G” goes to the library. It is already hot, so the kids are pretty sluggish.

Day 1.4: After returning to get “G” – everyone agrees on Firehouse for lunch. Tackler is prompt and helpful getting everyone inside. CG helps his mom inside, turns around and finds the Diva has emptied a napkin dispenser onto the table. The Tackler is “getting her to stop” by slapping her – even after she has turned and tried to duck away from him. An enraged CG ends lunch before it starts and takes everyone home.

Day 1.5: The Tackler is banished to his room from 12:00 to 2:00 (no lunch yet). Daddy and Diva (uninjured) settle in for some one-on-one time reading and playing. She goes down for her nap. Throughout his entire extended timeout, the Tackler pesters about how many minutes he has left. CG extends time by about fifteen minutes out of spite for being pestered, but has to let Tackler out to eat to avoid transforming him into an uncontrollable “Wild Thing.”

Day 1.75: CG plans to have a “night out of fun”. However, the Tackler once again directly challenges Daddy by hitting the chandelier with something immediately after told not to. He is sent back upstairs for an hour, only able to come back down after dinner is ready. He ends the night in DEFCON “yellow”.

Day 2.0: CG awakes to pitter-patter of feet in master bedroom. The morning progresses much smoother than previous day. A dry night-diaper means a promotion to Green – all are out the door heading to parks by 7:45. The kids hit two parks by pools in the morning and have a good time. Diva poops a total of five times (the same as yesterday) – and develops a bad diaper rash as a result.

Day 2.5: Diva sleeps for about 2.5 hours. A thirty minute struggle unfolds over how to count spaces in Chutes and Ladders (Daddy is right, but Daddy has won too many games this afternoon and the Tackler is frustrated – and trying to change things to the way he wants to see them rather than the way it has always been played).

Day 2.75: Fuddrucker’s = dinner because it’s on the way to the sprinkler park. CG talks the Tackler into this instead of “Nemo” because both kids are obsessed with the movie.

Day 2.9: The sprinkler park goes well (expected) – and they splash until the water is shut off, then move to the adjacent park to dry and burn off the last of their dinner.

Anything is possible for three days...

(Kelly calculates how far past bedtime this places them…)

Day 2.99: CG starts writing the time line for the blog post. Decides to put in the snarky:
The kitchen has been getting cleaner for three days now.

(Kelly reads this, gets annoyed, then looks out the window at moon casting glow over mountain lake. Knows anything is doable for a short period of time and just smiles instead…)

Stay tuned for Daddy Boot Camp, Part 2….

What do you do to survive solo parenting?

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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7 Responses to Daddy Boot Camp, Part 1

  1. Annie says:

    I love that he wrote in Elmo style. LOL
    Great job, dad. 🙂
    Kelly – How awesome is it that you get to look out on mountain lake without children!? Woo hoo! I want to be a wordbitch. 😉

  2. TheKirCorner says:

    Are you having fun???? I hope so and I do hope that CG is surviving, kids can turn on you at any moment LOL…
    In other news, my kids are always half naked lately too…WTFrak!!!??????

  3. Elena Aitken says:

    i love that…”anything is doable for a short period”

    But good job, CG!

  4. Dan Bain says:

    Kinda love this.

  5. Am totally digging Daddy Boot Camp.

    Cuz he’s in it now.

    Please please please take a photo of the kitchen the second you get home.

    You know, for future blog purposes.

    • CG says:

      She returns in less than 24 hours – most of which will have no one destroying the kitchen (sleeping or not here). I’ve already won.

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