Cutting the Cord, Parental Bondage and Baby 101

Random Tacklerisms From The Last Week

The Tackler: “When I am 32, I want another sister.”

Me: “You mean a daughter. Mommy is not reproducing again in 28 years.”

* * *

The Tackler: “When I’m 102, I’ll be super tall and bigger than Daddy.”

Me: “Why are you fascinated with the number 102?”

The Tackler: “I like it.”

* * *

What happens when I run upstairs to switch a load of laundry and neglect to reapply the child latch to my office:

"How am I supposed to be the next Shakespeare when you won't give me writing time?"

* * *

The Tackler: Why does the baby have that red stuff on it?”

Me: “Because it came out of the Mommy’s tummy.”

The Tackler: “Why does it get red?”

Me: “It’s from the amniotic fluid in the Mommy’s tummy.”

The Tackler: Why does it get wrinkled when it’s born?”

Me: “It has to grow into its skin.”

TT: “Why did they hook a cord onto the baby’s belly?”

Me: “That’s how a baby gets food while in the Mommy’s tummy.”

TT: “Why are they emptying the food?”

Me: “They aren’t. They’re cutting off the cord.”

TT: “Why?”

Me: “Because the baby can drink milk once it’s born. It can’t inside the tummy.”

TT: “The baby is pushed out and it goes down, down and out the Mommy’s belly button.”

Me: (pausing, not ready for the vaginal birth discussion) “If the doctor pulls it out that way….”

* * *

Lil Diva was in Uber Picky Eating Mode. I attempted to feed her toast with jelly.

She took this a reason to:

A) Smack the jelly. Repeatedly.

When testing toast for proper temperature and crispiness, one should smack the hand upon the jelly laden portion.

B) and taste test the jelly:

Why eat the toast when you can lick just the jelly and coat your face in it?

* * *

(This was done as I wrote this blog post, reclined on my couch with the laptop.)

Me: Why are you tying me up?

TT: Cuz I don’t want you to move, like I just said.

Me: Why not?

TT:Cuz I’m am a boy.

A computer cable makes great rope... I was only released when my expertise was required for snack providing (photos taken via iPod, my predicament preventing me from grabbing the "real" camera).

Um… riiiiight.

Should I be worried?

What has your child done or said lately that cracked you up?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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16 Responses to Cutting the Cord, Parental Bondage and Baby 101

  1. Li’l D doesn’t have quite this many words yet, but he’s starting to say things that have us laughing. My favorite so far is when he’ll name the things I own in the apartment (“Mommy’s bag,” “Mommy’s shoe,” “Mommy’s chair”) and conclude with, “Mommy’s Daddy.” Tee-hee!

    I am truly king of this domain!

    The other thing that’s good for a giggle is his approach to coaxing Otter Pop goodness out of the tube. “Open!” he’ll command repeatedly while waving the tube around.

    I’m looking forward to full conversations of silliness, but enjoying these smaller silly statements now. 😀

    • Oh, the things they say just get funnier – how they see the world is fascinating.

      I’m certain my Lil Diva will be full of them too. Now her funniest stuff is her “scolding”, utter gibberish she usually spouts at her brother when he’s in trouble, telling him off.

      It cracks me up, but I lack the proper letters to put it into blog form…

      I love how you are king of your li’l D’s domain. Hilarious.

  2. Kate says:

    Son to me: “Pick a card, any card” as he holds 6 cards facing himself.
    Me to son: “But you can see the cards.”
    Son to me: “Don’t argue, Lady, it prolongs the game and there’s a crowd waiting.”
    Oh, sorry.
    How do their brains come up with this??
    Love this post!

  3. These conversational snippets are so great – I love Tackler’s future goal of reaching 102, taller than Daddy!

    The Reds are full of randomness like this, too. Last night, while I fixed Mark’s supper, the boys decided to “make themselves smell pretty” by spritzing their entire bodies with Febreze.

    My home smelled lovely all night long, and they did too. Even after the shower I forced them into.

  4. Lance says:

    Good grief kids love them some jelly toast. Even my teenager goes goofy over jelly toast.

    • It was her first jelly toast, although she pulls her PB&J apart (because her brother does) so it’s almost like eating jelly toast… minus the toasting. 🙂

      I dislike jelly, so I do not understand my children’s fascination.

      Nice to know they won’t outgrow it. 🙂

  5. melsar93 says:

    When our daughters was little (3ish) she would crack us up all the time and we told her so. One day after a huge disaster of a meal my wife told her that she was just a little mess muffin. she replied, “I’m not a Mess Muffin, I’m a crack up!”

  6. I was TERRIFIED of the “vaginal birth” discussion with my kids…they knew about C-sections but inevitably came the question:

    “Do all babies get cut out of your tummy?”

    My sister had the best answer.

    “The baby comes out of the birth canal…” (hooray! no cringe-worthy words.)

    “But where IS the birth canal?”

    “Inside the mommy.”

    That seemed to be enough circular logic to keep her kids quiet. For a while.

    My own kids now know the WHOLE shebang (so to speak.)

    But I hope I don’t have to explain SHE BANG to either of them anytime soon…

  7. Kid Id says:

    It’s amazing how similar our kids are every time I read one of your posts. My son is obsessed with the number 89. Everything must happen when it reaches 89 units. My son has also assumed I will be having more children (hell no!) by starting conversations with “When you have another baby…” Re: the birthing explanation, my favorite that I heard from a friend and have used several times is to explain that girls have a third hole that boys don’t have where the baby comes out (I don’t say where, so it’s still consistent with it coming out vaginally or by C-section).

  8. John says:

    My daughter has taken to doing something cute and then doing a pose – as if we’re supposed to take a picture of it . . . I truly worry about her diva-ness at 12 months old.

    You’ll see that I’m one to talk about sex a whole lot, in the open, I feel it’s best left as non-taboo, but while intercourse and masturbation will be easy enough topics when the time is right, the biology of birth and the art of bondage are two topics that, while I may understand, um, well, I don’t know if I’ll ever broach with the kids.

  9. Scared & Imperfect Mother says:

    You have the sweetest cutes little children…

  10. So cute. I think mine for the day was…
    Princess in Training (PIT): Why is it getting lighter and darker but it’s daytime outside?
    Queen Mother (QM): Because the wind is blowing the clouds in front of the sun.
    PIT: Well, why didn’t you say so?
    QM: I think I just did?
    Stopping by from @TheRedDressClub Weekend Linkup.

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