This weekend, CG and I employed the “Divide and Conquer” method of parenting, very useful for those parents who are not yet outnumbered. Because honestly, if you’re used to hauling around two little ones – one who has a very short attention span and requires food every fifteen minutes – if you only take the older one, it’s a breeze.
How To Make a Weekend Feel Like a Vacation
Step 1: Explain to spouse you wish to run errands. Offer to take one child with you, typically the one less likely to destroy the store or go running into offices to smack keyboards (i.e. take The Tackler).
Step 2: Put a bribe in place that shall only be given should they behave (i.e. ice cream).
Step 3: Drag child on frustrating trip to appliance store, then to Fry’s, only to find out once again no one stocks a decent refrigerator capable of efficient use of space or a beverage chiller (still impossible to find), and the bottom freezer design your 21 month old could pull open is waaaaaaaaaaaay too popular. See child wrestle tape measure and use to shout out random dimensions of everything.
Step 4: Buy ice cream sandwich to reward your four year old and share it with him. After all, it’s 100 degrees outside and even though you didn’t actually accomplish finding a new fridge, you tried. Again.
Step 5: Stop by the remote control car race track in the Fry’s parking lot. Sit on the scalding hot asphalt in the pounding evening heat so you can see him smile when the cars wipe out as they crash into a turn.
Step 6: Figure the evening is going so well, ask if he’s interested in going to the half price bookstore. Swear you’ll only go for thirty minutes because it’s close to bedtime.
Step 7: Stay for over an hour because you haven’t had a chance to browse in bookstore in ages – you’re always chasing after the 21 month old. Meanwhile, your four year old is off in the kid’s section, finding books, thumbing through them, as lost as you are in the words. By the end you’ve accumulated a pile of books to buy, found math flash cards, and a floor puzzle. Oh, and discovered another book about the human body your son loves to add to the pile.
Step 8: Check out and thank god it’s called the Half Price Bookstore for a reason. Realize how late it is and wonder if CG survived with Lil Diva.
Step 9: Return home, discover your daughter is in bed, and your son immediately asks your husband to read his new body book. Explain it will be in lieu of bath because you had so much fun you ran late, then ponder how bad it would be to start reading a book at 9 PM when you’re likely to not stop until the end – sometime around 3 AM.
Step 10: Manage not to open the book, go to bed shortly after midnight, and sleep for over nine hours to make up for all of the week’s sleep deprivation.
Steps 11-20: Repeat the previous day only trade with your spouse as they run errands, hanging out with the Lil Diva while your son gets Daddy time – and ice cream.
Step 21: Finally exist in the same room with your spouse and both kids, the noise bouncing off the walls, and enjoy some sweet sibling moments – because they’ve spent enough time apart to not pick at each other every five minutes.
Step 22: Realize the lovely “Divide and Conquer” method will be lost to you again on Monday as your husband returns to work. Cry silently. Avoid laundry after marathon sessions last weekend. Resume “Create My Clone” project in between workout, writing, cleaning up food tossed onto floor, and explaining why we don’t sit on baby sisters head.
How do you spend your time on the weekends?