Why two children napping can be very, very bad.

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moment (WTFM) is brought to you by………..

The irony of two children napping at the same time: It was practically unheard of before my son gave up naps nine months ago. Now it’s as likely as “pigs flying” or this year’s “rain in Texas”. I should have known such a miraculous occurrence was a sign. A very bad sign.

My children were both in fabulous moods.

To drive me crazy.

My son wasn’t listening. My daughter was whiny. If left alone, they egged one another into battle.

I wanted nothing more than to flee to my gym for my usual step class, but I couldn’t – because they wouldn’t let Lil Diva into the child care with her rash and I had yet to get a doctor’s note.

Irony plays a strong role in this post.

The only thing holding back Mommy Flips Her Lid was the overwhelming reaction to a guest post I did for The Red Dress Club – about a writer’s inner voice.

Lil Diva asked for an early nap.

Then she fought it.

Then she filled her pants.

Then she had I Crapped My Pants Psycho Energy – a side effect both of my children suffer from – and fought her nap again.

During this time, The Tackler was left to his own devices.

Imagine my shock as I walked down the steps, finally resorting to the detested “let her scream to sleep” method (luckily for only a few minutes), to find my son laying upon the pillows on the couch.

He often likes to pretend, so I let him be.

Five minutes later he was passed out.

The Tackler after he rolled sideways.

What. The. Frak.

I blamed the freak thunderstorm and downpour from 1 AM the night before cutting into his sleep (see? irony? two impossible things less than 24 hours apart!).

Then I danced with glee.

Writing time!

I sat down with my laptop when it hit me. I tweeted:

My 4 y/o passed out on the couch. I want to move him to bed but I’m certain he won’t stay asleep. If I leave him there, he might pee.

A few helpful people suggested sliding a towel under his butt.

The problem was, he doesn’t sleep on his butt.

I decided to leave him there, hoping I was wrong, knowing moving him would wake him.

An hour later I tweeted:

Son took rare nap. On couch. He peed himself awake.

Sometimes I hate being right.

Or in this case, very very wrong.

The Tackler had a quick shower and clothing change. He felt a little warm, but this is Texas in summer.

He laid on the couch again.

I put a towel under him which pissed him off.

I insisted.

It stayed.

Five minutes later, he whined and I went to see what was wrong.

He barfed all over the towel. And my hands. And his leg.

Thank God I put the towel there, or it would be on my non-removable cushioned couch.

He had minestrone soup for lunch.

Thankfully, Lil Diva took a longer nap, and I was able to clean up the mess without her attempts to help or paint.

He seemed better.

Until the mess twelve hours later, after midnight – nailing his pillow, sheets, PJs, blankets, and carpet.

Luckily we’d placed him in his old toddler bed, versus the top bunk bed.

Just in case.

Thursday morning brought the evil which I’d tried to escape: laundry.

I tried to put his pillow in the washing machine.

It’s an old school (but newer) top loader – the agitator was likely to shred the pillow. It also floated half above the water line no matter how I tried to squeeze the air out.

So I took my second trip EVER to a laundromat.

Ironically, again, the second in less than a week.

Just so I could wash my son’s pillow.

Their wi-fi was down – fried in the storm two nights before.

What the frak are the odds of that?

Life took pity on me at this point.

The Tackler was already back to his old self – the Angelic Version.

My children were awesome at the laundry.

The Tackler was great at lunch (Lil Diva not so much).

Both were great at the doctor – The Tackler developed a rash – just like Lil Diva’s – shortly after puking the first time. They both have fifths disease, which is no longer contagious once the rash shows up.

Irony again.

I have doctors notes to show the gym.

My son was perfect after returning home – he picked up all the toys in the entire house, after I asked him ONCE. With a smile.

What the frak?

My son?

My cleaning crew arrived and my house is now blissfully clean.

For the next twenty minutes.

Let’s hope Friday is more like Thursday.

Did you have a “what the frak? moment” this week?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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7 Responses to Why two children napping can be very, very bad.

  1. John says:

    Oh, momma – that sounds like a series of highs and lows that would have most any roller-coaster designer saying “that’s too wild, it can’t happen.” Wow. I’m glad everyone is better.

    My girl (her name is Leila, but we’ve been calling her DQ for Drama Queen) is nearly talking and walking. She does the same “I’m ready for a nap” and is quite content until just the point where she realizes that she’s about to fall asleep and *poof* instant tantrum.

    And the “diaper full of shit = kid full of energy” equation? I’m pretty sure that solving it would lead to solving any of the world’s energy woes.

    • Ok, your last paragraph had me rolling. I thought mine were the only ones turbo charged by diaper defecation.

      Nothing in parenthood should surprise me anymore.

      It sounds like your DQ and my Lil D would have a blast tearing it up.

      Maybe once yours can hold her own, given my children’s propensity for tackling..

      Have a great weekend!

  2. Oh poor baby.

    (and of course I’m referring to you. the kids will be fine.)

    So sorry…

    XO

  3. This is very funny. Not the situation, but the way you wrote it.

    And it follows the adage: if you think things are bad, wait 5 minutes…

  4. Ilana says:

    Sorry the tackler was sick! We had a horrific incident tonight where mazzy threw up all over her brand new car seat. NOT FUN. But at least he cleaned up his toys. So he can’t be the devil after all:)

  5. Pingback: Top 10 Highlights and Lowlights of Yesterday | Dances with Chaos

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