When a 102 pound midget marries a 20 foot tall woman.

Today I bring you a very special Father’s Day Addition of Tacklerism Tuesday.

Did I see my husband on Father’s Day?

Uh. No. Not really.

I was too busy giving him the gift of clean laundry (that will teach him to complain about no available bins to place dirty laundry).

Paired with his second gift of “sleeping in”.

As he enjoyed a rare respite from his regular morning duties I asked my son, “Do you want to make a Father’s Day card for Grandpa D and Grandpa B?

“Yes!”

He set to work, diligently writing the greeting (merging it with happy birthday), and refusing to accept help.

“Why don’t you draw you with your grandpa’s on the other side.”

“That’s a really good idea.” He flipped the paper over. And drew this:

Occasionally, he would narrate his endeavors.

“Grandpa B and Grandpa D have the same mustaches. Like Potato Head.”

He filled the page. Then…

“I need to draw you, Mommy.” He squeezed me into the only space left. “I made a big tummy.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re very big.”

Oh.. Snap.

I looked closer. “Wow, my legs are really long.”

“That’s because you’re twenty feet tall.”

No wonder I have a big tummy.

CG wasn’t left out of the fun. Earlier in the week, The Tackler made a Father’s Day card for him. He drew this lovely family picture, making me believe we all are distantly related to Wolverine:

Is it just me, or does the CG replica have Ironic Mom's eyes.... ?

On the back were some fill in the blank questions, posed to The Tackler for the teacher to write the answer.

A few of them were correct, like what makes Daddy happy.

No, I am not married to a 102 pound midget... Obviously we need to learn measurements...

Some not so much.

CG never eats mac ‘n cheese.

And Daddy’s height and weight….

Can you imagine the picture we’d make: the 4 ft tall 102 pound CG walking hand on knee with his 20 ft tall, big bellied wife?

I love four year olds.

Happy (belated) Father’s Day CG, Grandpa D, Grandpa B, and Great G-pa!

Do you have any interesting Father’s Day gift stories?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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36 Responses to When a 102 pound midget marries a 20 foot tall woman.

  1. Great post! The teacher is a genius for including the questions to be answered. The Tackler will get a kick out of that when he’s about 18. I have a question though–is Grandpa B excessively hairy? I can’t quite figure out all the detail that went into the apparent cilia covering his entire body.

    • Laughing. So. Hard.

      I almost included that Tacklerisms and just got too tired.

      I pointed to the cilia like hairs and asked, “What are those?”

      “Grandpa B has lots of hair.”

      So yes, it is hair, but honestly, he isn’t quite that bad.

      It’s funny what stands out in kid’s memories.The Tackler playing Trouble with Grandpa B.

  2. bahahahaa!! OK, I seriously laughed out loud reading this. It was very reminiscent of this picture that I received as part of a book for Mother’s Day last year.

    I wouldn’t worry too much about being related to Wolverine so much as that Grandpa B sort of resembles a paramecium. hehe

    • Giggle.

      I suddenly feel like asking my son all the questions on my fact sheet… That could be interesting…

      Yes, the paramecium grandpa had my body shaking in silent laughter. He is the only person in our family with a beard…

      • So upon further inspection? I also noticed you appear to have been born with a tail. Or at least an extended tailbone. Don’t worry.. I hear it’s the in thing now.

        I really loved the ones my kid drew after he discovered people were made of more than straight lines (this was after the circle hands with 5 claws phase). We all became insects, with a very clearly drawn head, thorax and abdomen. It was at that moment we became Par-ants and Grandpar-ants. 😉

        For the record, he insisted the “thorax” was a neck. =\

  3. John says:

    Silly giggles . . . oh, that was funny.

    I want to know how a teacher does that sort of interview and manages to keep a straight face as those answers come pouring in.

  4. Leigh Ann says:

    I love little kid drawings that make our hands look like spiders. Very cute!

    • See, it’s really my first. He didn’t like drawing for so long – he wanted YOU to draw for him, because he couldn’t get it right.

      Mother’s Day Out has been nice because he can finally do crafts and I don’t have to worry about his sister getting in the way.

      I had no idea he could draw humanoid shapes, much less ones with claws and faces.

      Doesn’t his one of CG (done at school) have the eyes of fellow “pack of Leannes” Ironic Mom?

  5. That’s awesome. My daughter said that her daddy liked to color too. He never colors, it’s just what SHE likes to do. I think you have a budding artist on your hands.

    • My son never used to like to color either. He still only does it in small bursts, which is why the answering was so surprisingly. Perhaps it was because he just colored…

      He’s already up to my drawing level. My creativity lies in writing, not drawing….

  6. Annie says:

    Very cute! He is very detailed for only being 4. Doc and I have similar things the kids have drawn of us. I love the ones of me pregnant. BIG! LOL Tackler sees you with supermodel proportions! Tall and lean. Very sweet. 🙂

    • I think the supermodel size has not so much to do with my actual size, but the fact I’m typically drawn LAST…. when there’s no room left. I witnessed this with the green paper drawing, which I just wanted the “fathers” in. He insisted Lil Diva and I be in it too. But… there was little room left.

      I think they might have happened in the yellow drawing too, given my location on the tiny left margin is the same…

      Because he still loves to make comments like “you have a big tummy, Mommy.”

      And I am shorter than my husband… so how I get “20 feet” and CG gets “4 feet” I am not sure…

      I was impressed with his details.

      Oh, you have to share a pregnant drawing.. Please??

  7. Angiemonster says:

    um, I really love this post, but I just wanted to let you know that the word “midget” is a slurr and is the equivilent of the “N” word to people with dwarfism. proper words would be “little person.”

    other then that, great post! your kids are hysterical!

    • I apologize if I offended any little people in the use of the word “midget”, it was not my intent. Nor do I think being extremely short or tall is funny. The humor in this is more of pointing out the discrepancy between what is actually true (daddy is slightly taller than I am) and how exaggerated a 4 year makes his world. I still think of “little people” as the Fisher Price toys with no appendages from my childhood…

      I’m glad you enjoyed it otherwise.

      And will refrain from the word “midget” in the future. Thanks for the correction.

  8. TheKirCorner says:

    soooooo cute. Our kiddos did something like this too and I just adored it, I plan to do it every father’s day…:)

    thanks for sharing with us.

  9. I love this. Hilarious! And your title had me hooked. I love to see the world through kid’s eyes. And those Ironic Mom eyes! I spat out my tea! (Missed my keyboard, thankfully).

    Good stuff, Kelly (and The Tackler too of course!)

  10. Absolutely, those are Ironic Mom eyes. LOVED this – my granddaughter just ‘graduated’ from preschool and her school creates a lovely fat book of pictures and questionnaire forms just like the one your guy had. SO much fun to read and giggle over. Thanks for the smiles.

  11. Kim says:

    Your posts always make me smile!!!

  12. Kris says:

    Oh my gosh. I can’t stop laughing. That is so friggin’ cute. My favorite line of course is “oh snap.” Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

  13. educlaytion says:

    Great, great, great. Love everything about this post. And the picture in the comments is priceless. Being good at Trouble has more than one meaning eh? Fun post & great artwork!

    • Yes, the double meaning of being good at “Trouble” is not lost on me.

      But I am glad to finally play a game where the spin/cards don’t dictate everything. At least you have a choice in Trouble. Sometimes.

      Can’t take credit for the artwork. My son did not get his skills from me.

      My drawings still look like that.

  14. Kelly, this is such a fun read!! Thank you! Those pictures are priceless. I think our kids took the same art class.

    Thank you for a the laugh today!

    • I was very impressed. He carefully put five claws on each hand.

      Perhaps I should laminate it with a warning sign and hang it outside: “Warning to possible burglars: Wolverine’s Family Lives Here. We Have Claws for Hands. Enter at Own Risk.”

      Always happy to make you laugh, my dear.

  15. Is it wrong that I think a husband named “daddy” is kind of hot?

    Sort of makes up for his height and weight. Which is troubling.

    (but he’s good at that, so…)

    • If those were in fact my husband’s sizes, it is I who would be troubled.

      He’d be right at chest height, which might have been cool when I was still in my twenties, or during the pregnancy expansion, but now is just a bad view.

      He is short compared to my family, where the guys are all over 6 ft, but still taller than me.

      Thanks for the giggle.

  16. Kate says:

    My daughter had a similar questionnaire she filled in about dad. Before handing it over for dad to read she asked me how old he was. I said 45. She says, “I thought he was 50. That’s what I filled in on my assignment at school.”

  17. So cute! I did this with my kids on Father’s Day as well, both my 4yo & 6yo did drawings and answered questions. I laughed. My husband got confused. You may enjoy this read.

    I love asking the kids what they drew, because they always have such a very specific answer. And seem insane when they do answer!

  18. Anastasia says:

    My four year old, drew a hear with wings that was pooping on her father’s day card. Yup, no idea.

  19. JDaniel4's Mom says:

    What a wonderful set of pictures! The answers were fun too.

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