Three Moments with Twins, Ironic Mom Style: Friday’s “What the frak?” Moments

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moments (WTFM) are brought to you by………..

A “What the frak…?” double feature.

I have a special guest blogger today, my good friend Leanne Shirtliffe from Ironic Mom. She blasts back in time to share three moments from when the twins were in preschool.

But that is not all.

I had one of the biggest “what the frak?” moments to date on my way to visit family this week, and it just couldn’t wait. So my “What the frak…?” post is over at Ironic Mom to read. It’s a doozy.

Hey, double the frak, double the hysterical side splitting “Thank God it wasn’t me!” laughter.

And without further ado, I give you “what the frak…?”… Ironic Mom style..

Remembering Preschool: Three What-the-Frak Moments with Twins: Now that my twins, William and Vivian, are approaching seven years old, it’s sometimes hard to remember what happened when they were four years old and in preschool. Most of these memories are better left repressed. There are some, however, that survived the migration from my short-term memory to my slightly longer one.

Deep from the recesses of my brain, here are 3 What-the-Frak Moments with Twins.

WTF Moment 1 (March)

In classrooms across North America, St. Patrick’s Day is the new Valentine’s Day. No longer is the color green banned to the sidelines; it now gets its game day.

My twins’ preschool did an entire unit on all things Irish. Part of this involved learning more myths about leprechauns than exist for the Holy Grail. One of these St. Patrick’s Day tales involved leprechauns sneaking into houses and classrooms and wrecking the place. To prevent this, all children were encouraged to build their own leprechaun trap. When Vivian and William’s teacher asked what they’d do upon seeing a leprechaun, William—who evidently would invite strangers into our house—said, “I’d say hi!”

Vivian, his twins sister, preferred to give away her therapy fund. She told her teacher, “I’d give him another pot of gold!”

A classmate, who shall remain nameless, said, “I’d punch him.”

WTF Moment 2 (April)

I like the idea of Earth Day, and I like the idea of reducing, reusing, and recycling. Why then, was the idea of a litter-less lunch week so daunting?

Let me tell you.

A waste free lunch requires parents to purchase a roller suitcase so their kids can lug around their body weight in Tupperware. It also involves dealing with tantrums from your children.

On the first morning I packed a litter-free lunch, I tried to sneak an individually-wrapped cheese sticks into my kids’ lunches. Both William and Vivian noticed my lack of observance of the Earth Week Rules.

“No, Mom!” Vivian said, “That’s garbage.”

“Ya, Mom, we can’t have any garbage,” William added.

“All right, then,” I said. I proceeded to unwrap the snacks, stuff the cheese sticks into containers, and throw out the wrappers.

Because throwing out plastic is a good way to help the environment.

WTF Moment 3 (June)

When you send your children to school, you never know what they’ll come home with. It could be primary color artwork or a birthday invite. It could be a new swear word or head lice.

On the second last day of preschool, Vivian brought home a valuable lesson from a classmate. “Mom,” she explained, “did you know that you should always breathe through your mouth, not your nose, when daddies poo?”

“Yes, Vivi, I did know that,” I said, “but I’m glad you reminded me.”

***

Ironic Mom, a.k.a. Leanne Shirtliffe is one of my Canadian sistahs. She is mother almost seven-year-old twins, William and Vivian (aka Thing 1 and Thing 2), who provide more entertainment than Cirque du Soleil on speed.  When not writing fab blogs here or at Stuff Kids Write, and a humor column for the Canadian Herald, she teaches junior high and finds that dealing with ninety-seven teenagers is often easier than being trapped in a house with her own spawn.

Be sure to check out Ironic Mom and Stuff Kids Write (her hilarious “baby” with future guest blogger Chase McFadden).

For those of you wondering, here is what I refer to as The Biggest What the Frak Moment You Can Have When Traveling with Two Young Kids, Short of Leaving Your ID Behind

Enjoy. Laugh. At my expense.

Any What-the-Frak moments in your life?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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24 Responses to Three Moments with Twins, Ironic Mom Style: Friday’s “What the frak?” Moments

  1. Omigosh! I cannot believe you said “head lice” so early in the morning. What the frak? Itchy-itchy, scratchy-scratchy. 😉

  2. The third one is my favourite…I’ve known that one for a LOOONG time…

    We have all kinds of lunch containers…the problem is that our dog loves to eat lunch bags and containers, so we may or may not have the matching lid to said container. Add that to the fact that my father doesn’t understand the concept of stacking containers logically in the cupboard according to size and shape when he unloads the dishwasher: “Hmmm…I think I’ll put this round one inside the rectangular one, because it fits!” Packing lunches is one of my least favourite chores!

    Fun post, Leanne!

    Wendy

  3. Annie says:

    The Leprechaun WTFrak is my favorite. Hilarious. Nothing like teaching the children creepy little green guys are sneaking around. If I saw one I’d punch it too! Self defense.

  4. Bellymonster says:

    They had me at leprechauns but stole my heart forever with Daddy’s stinky poops.

    HILARIOUS way to begin a long weekend. Thanks for this!

  5. John says:

    Of course you punch a Leprechaun!

    Learning to breathe via your mouth in a relationship is crucial.

  6. You. Are hysterical. Shoot, I’d invite in a leprechaun for tea. I’d keep my gold though. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to hang with a leprechaun?

    Litter-free lunch days at my kid’s school? Are the days he buys. I treasure my Tupperware, and don’t like to find it three weeks later with a half-eaten sandwich in it, stuffed under the front seat of my car since Kid likes to unpack his backpack during the 1.7 mile trip between school and home.

  7. My kids bring home their uneaten lunches every day and leave them on the bench in the front entryway.

    (this is helpful because the dogs have easy access to the leftovers which they finish so hooray there’s no waste and then when they throw up on the carpet i use dishrags instead of paper towels to clean up the vomit because i am green.)

    So if I saw a leprechaun, I’d let my dogs eat him.

    Because my carpet can’t get any worse…

  8. p.s. Dog vomit smells almost as bad as daddy poo. FYI.

  9. Leigh Ann says:

    Oh the waste free lunch. I really want to go that route when the kiddos go to school, but I think it may be harder than I’m anticipating. It didn’t really occur to me until you said it that unwrapping the cheeses was kind of a wash. Hilarious.

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  11. educlaytion says:

    You could probably rattle off a hundred stories like this. Funny!

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