A “What the frak…?” double feature.
I have a special guest blogger today, my good friend Leanne Shirtliffe from Ironic Mom. She blasts back in time to share three moments from when the twins were in preschool.
But that is not all.
I had one of the biggest “what the frak?” moments to date on my way to visit family this week, and it just couldn’t wait. So my “What the frak…?” post is over at Ironic Mom to read. It’s a doozy.
Hey, double the frak, double the hysterical side splitting “Thank God it wasn’t me!” laughter.
Remembering Preschool: Three What-the-Frak Moments with Twins: Now that my twins, William and Vivian, are approaching seven years old, it’s sometimes hard to remember what happened when they were four years old and in preschool. Most of these memories are better left repressed. There are some, however, that survived the migration from my short-term memory to my slightly longer one.
Deep from the recesses of my brain, here are 3 What-the-Frak Moments with Twins.
WTF Moment 1 (March)
In classrooms across North America, St. Patrick’s Day is the new Valentine’s Day. No longer is the color green banned to the sidelines; it now gets its game day.
My twins’ preschool did an entire unit on all things Irish. Part of this involved learning more myths about leprechauns than exist for the Holy Grail. One of these St. Patrick’s Day tales involved leprechauns sneaking into houses and classrooms and wrecking the place. To prevent this, all children were encouraged to build their own leprechaun trap. When Vivian and William’s teacher asked what they’d do upon seeing a leprechaun, William—who evidently would invite strangers into our house—said, “I’d say hi!”
Vivian, his twins sister, preferred to give away her therapy fund. She told her teacher, “I’d give him another pot of gold!”
A classmate, who shall remain nameless, said, “I’d punch him.”
WTF Moment 2 (April)
I like the idea of Earth Day, and I like the idea of reducing, reusing, and recycling. Why then, was the idea of a litter-less lunch week so daunting?
Let me tell you.
A waste free lunch requires parents to purchase a roller suitcase so their kids can lug around their body weight in Tupperware. It also involves dealing with tantrums from your children.
On the first morning I packed a litter-free lunch, I tried to sneak an individually-wrapped cheese sticks into my kids’ lunches. Both William and Vivian noticed my lack of observance of the Earth Week Rules.
“No, Mom!” Vivian said, “That’s garbage.”
“Ya, Mom, we can’t have any garbage,” William added.
“All right, then,” I said. I proceeded to unwrap the snacks, stuff the cheese sticks into containers, and throw out the wrappers.
Because throwing out plastic is a good way to help the environment.
WTF Moment 3 (June)
When you send your children to school, you never know what they’ll come home with. It could be primary color artwork or a birthday invite. It could be a new swear word or head lice.
On the second last day of preschool, Vivian brought home a valuable lesson from a classmate. “Mom,” she explained, “did you know that you should always breathe through your mouth, not your nose, when daddies poo?”
“Yes, Vivi, I did know that,” I said, “but I’m glad you reminded me.”
Ironic Mom, a.k.a. Leanne Shirtliffe is one of my Canadian sistahs. She is mother almost seven-year-old twins, William and Vivian (aka Thing 1 and Thing 2), who provide more entertainment than Cirque du Soleil on speed. When not writing fab blogs here or at Stuff Kids Write, and a humor column for the Canadian Herald, she teaches junior high and finds that dealing with ninety-seven teenagers is often easier than being trapped in a house with her own spawn.
For those of you wondering, here is what I refer to as The Biggest What the Frak Moment You Can Have When Traveling with Two Young Kids, Short of Leaving Your ID Behind…
Enjoy. Laugh. At my expense.
Any What-the-Frak moments in your life?