Tax Forms Created By ADD Monkeys On Crack: Friday’s “What the frak?” Moment

Friday’s “What the frak…?” moment (WTFM) is brought to you by………..

Whoever organized the tax forms: You try to think logically, figuring the lettered order means something, only to realize you’ll hop around the various forms like a monkey suffering from ADD who’s juiced on crack.

I do our taxes almost every year.

They are mostly the same, every year.

It seems so simple.

In theory.

Then I sit down, all of the various forms printed out and placed in front of me.

Names and Social Security Numbers – Easy.

Kid’s Social Security Numbers – Look up.

Line 7: Income – Easy.

Then things get complicated. Schedule B for this line. Schedule D for that line, but to know which box to check mark, you need to complete line 24 of this other schedule and copy it to that form. But wait, you didn’t fill out Schedule A, and you need this number to find out your taxable amount, and are these qualified dividends?

The head spins until you resemble Linda Blair in The Exorcist.

When not attempting Shakespeare, the monkeys get high and design tax forms.

I wonder if the government has a room full of attention deficit disorder crack smoking monkeys tucked away in a secret compound, randomly deciding what order and label to give the various forms and schedules. Why else wouldn’t they be labeled in the order you need to complete them?

Oh yeah. So only those certified CPA’s can understand them.

What the frak?

Sidenote: I had them done an entire day early this year, which would have been two days late if April 15th had been its typical deadline. Thanks to children, there will be a refund.

How do you get your taxes done? Do it yourself? Tax program? Accountant? Cave in the wilderness hiding from the IRS? Do they cause you any “what the frak” moments?

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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15 Responses to Tax Forms Created By ADD Monkeys On Crack: Friday’s “What the frak?” Moment

  1. ADD monkeys on crack – perfect image 🙂

    I swear by Turbo Tax. I absolutely couldn’t negotiate the tax forms without a software program, but Turbo Tax applies a clear logic to the process that is desperately missing from the tax forms themselves. (Truth: I am a trained CPA and practicing accountant. If I can’t do it, what the frak?)

  2. Roxanne says:

    I’ve used TurboTax for the last 3 years. The free online version. I don’t have any assets or anything, and I just have the one dependent (my kid), so I can get by with the free one. It goes so smoothly, I always get it done mid-February. Not sure how smoothly it goes if you have more stuff than me, though.

    Last year I got the forms to try and just do it myself. I stared at them for a while, and then logged into TurboTax. Too scary for me.

    • I hear you. I think I might have to look into Turbo Tax in the near future.

      For now I follow the previous year, and create an excel workbook to do all of the math for me, so if I make an error in a number, I just reenter it once and it recalculates everything for me. I learned that lesson one year.

      I have just enough “weird stuff” to prevent me from using any free or easy form version.

  3. Sandy says:

    Since I’m an accountant, I’m stuck with the tax duties at our house. But I’m still old school about it: I print out the forms, do everything by hand, double & triple check everything, THEN I grab the forms on the websites and fill them in. Since my husband owns a business, we can’t file online (which is fine with me – remember, old school here) so I kill another tree by printing them out and send them in certified mail. Maybe I just prefer having the “human error” element as opposed to “computer error”.

    *High Five* on the ADD monkeys on crack… you nailed it!

    • Glad you were amused by my ADD monkeys on crack, even as an accountant. 🙂

      Your process sounds a lot like mine, only I create an excel worksheet mimicking the forms and have it do all of the math. I had to after forgetting to add some numbers, then forced to redo about 10 different calculations for it, as opposed to change it one place, have it auto change everywhere else. I do verify at the very end I’ve typed everything correctly.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

  4. Jessica says:

    I have a minor in accounting so I took a personal income tax class and a business income tax class. They were both so confusing but I would say business taxes were much harder than personal.

    Btw…I now pay an accountant to do my taxes.

    • Wise woman…

      Mine are fairly straightforward but because most charge by how many forms you need (and I’ll need a schedule D, but for a single entry, or a B, but for two entries, yet charged as if I had fifty), unless there is a self-employed or something really screwy, I do it myself.

  5. Ironic Mom says:

    This sent my heart racing again because you know what I did today: taxes. Yup, we’re a couple weeks behind in Canada (but only in taxes). We’re ahead in, wait, um, using the metric system?

    The monkey metaphors are hilarious.

  6. I’m a huge fan of Turbo Tax. I used Complete Tax once, and I liked that, too.

    Having kids gives you a refund? I need to get a couple of those.

  7. John says:

    I do my taxes, and my sister’s taxes, and sometimes my sister-in-law’s or my mother-in-law’s taxes. I use software, because otherwise I’d be downright crazy (well, I may already be). The first time I did everybody’s taxes, we were going to use forms to save money on the software. But, my wife, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law are all teachers, and when they printed the tax forms, they didn’t have instructions for K-12 “out of pocket expenses.” So, I had to go look up online where to list the $250 credit because there was another box that never gets used for anything . . .

    I ended up buying the software that year & have used it ever since. It’s helped preserve what little of my sanity I have. However, due to adoption, I can’t eFile anything. I, too, finished things up a whole day early (17th), but ended up waiting in line at the post office for nearly an hour to mail things.

    • I have learned if you go to our post office late, you can usually use the auto-mailing machine where you can weigh your envelope (vital for knowing how much you went over the weight with all of those forms) and then print one stamp with the amount. I haven’t waited in a tax line since.

      I will have to get turbo tax one of these days, but does it work every year, or is there a cheap upgrade w/ new tax laws???

      • John says:

        You have to purchase it every year — basically, I deduct $40 in “tax-preparation expenses” in the licensing of the software and the key to eFile.

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