Act 1, Scene 1.7: The Comedic Play of a 19 Month Old – Mommy and Me

My Lil Diva is 19 months old today.

I lack photos, which shall hopefully be remedied by borrowing Bobbi’s camera. Soon.

Instead, read the comedic play below to get a glimpse into Lil Diva’s mind, vocabulary, and temperament at 19 months.

Enjoy!

Starring:

Kelly K: as Mother

&

Lil Diva: as Lil Diva

Act 1: Mommy and Lil Diva Time

Scene: 1.7 (1 year, 7 months old)

Setting: First floor of The House of Chaos. Patches of white tile peek through the littered toys tracked from the Playroom Where A Dining Room Should Be – aka First Place Everyone Sees When Visiting.

(A rare silence descends as The Tackler rides with CG to his Mother’s Day Out Program. We see a young female toddler in desperate need of a haircut and her mother, clad in jean shorts and a too big holy t-shirt. They stand in the entryway.)

Lil Diva at 18 months, because I need to take photos today.

Lil Diva: (She runs to the door, blowing kisses to her brother and daddy. One hand lifts next to her ear as the tiny fingers open and close in a clam-like wave). Bye! Bye! Bye! (She turns to her mother, a full grin upon her face.)

Mother: (Sighs with relief her daughter chose the happy good-bye over the incoherent “I want to go with them!” screeching that is very common. Suddenly, she catches a scent in the air). Do you have a stinky diaper?

Lil Diva: (beams with pride) Pot-tee! Pot-tee!

Mother: Yes, we’re supposed to use the potty before you fill your diaper. But thank you for telling me. Go plop on your changing pad please.

Lil Diva: (goes to where the pad lays on the playroom floor, rolling herself onto it like a limp doll, bottom completely off the actual pad.) Pate!

Mother: (Bringing wipes and buttpaste from the kitchen cupboard – the lure of them and their use for destruction too strong to be left within her reach. She re-situates LD onto the pad.) Here’s the paste sweetie. (M gives it to LD as she begins diaper change.)

(LD tries to eat the tube throughout the following conversation, until removed from her grasp later in the scene.)

Mother: No. No. We don’t eat the buttpaste. It is ICKY.

LD: (scrunching her face) Eh-Kee!

M: That’s right. Ick-ee. It can make you sick.

LD: Eh-kee!

M: I agree. What has your daddy been feeding you? This is disgusting.

LD: (giggles) Dad-dee!

M: Yes, Daddy took your brother to school. Next year you will both go to Mother’s Day Out together and Mommy with have four hours all to herself. I need the paste.

(LD hands it over as Mother applies it).

M: Good girl. You’re such a big helper. Can you say help?

LD: Help!

M: I’m so glad you learned that word last week. I greatly prefer it to your previous ear shattering shriek. Sure, it means I have to stand around your booster chair for ten minutes so I can unbuckle the straps you fasten every thirty seconds, but Mommy still loves “Help please!” over the screech. (hands the paste back to LD as she re-clothes her.)

(both cats circle, investigating the stench)

LD: (points enthusiastically) Kit-tee! Kit-tee!

M: That’s right. It’s Shaft kitty cat and MacGyver kitty cat.

(LD tries to bolt off the changing pad now that the diaper change is complete, stealing the buttpaste and running behind the kangeroo climber to hide. She elicits an 19 month old cackle of delight.)

M: Oh no you don’t. Thirty seconds unmonitored and you’ll eat through the tube. (removes tube as LD wails in protest) I have to throw out the stinky diaper and wash my hands.

(M dodges trail of toys as exits backstage out backdoor. LD runs behind, little legs moving faster than should be possible. She squishes face into glass door, forming a “pig face” on the other side to greet Mother. M carefully re-enters, as LD attempts to squeeze by her and escape onto the deck)

LD: Uh uh. Side! (irritation at Mother blockade)

M: No, we aren’t going outside right now. See how the deck looks green? Daddy needs to clean the pollen off, even though he just did it last night.

(Dogs can be heard barking faintly, as if the next door neighbors keep them penned between LD’s house and theirs.)

LD: Arf-arf! Dog-gee! (tosses head back until looking at ceiling) PEES! SIDE!

M: Yes, that is a dog barking. We’ll go outside later. Mommy has to wash her hands.

LD: (reaches hands high toward M) Up! Up! (when M doesn’t respond within five seconds, she tosses head back again) PEES!

M: Good job saying “Please!” Try to not yell it, okay? (holds index finger above lips) Quietly.

LD: (mimics finger action) Shh! Shh! Shh!

M: That’s right! Quiet. Good girl! (washes hands as LD wraps arms around M’s legs in vice grip) You’re making it very difficult for Mommy to move.

LD: (grabs M’s dripping finger, leading her to the refrigerator) Uh! Unh!

(M opens the fridge door)

M: What do you want?

LD: Ap-puh. (reaches for giant Fuji apples)

M: Uh, how about we have that later when big brother is here to share?

LD: Ap-PUH! (throws head back again) PEEZ!

M: Don’t you want some blueberries instead?

LD: No! (shakes head vehemently) AP-PUH!

M: What about a banana? Do you want to eat an banana?

LD: (pauses in dramatics) Baba? (considers) No no.

M: (sighs in defeat) You want to eat an apple?

LD: Yeah.

M: Go sit at the table.

LD: Sit! (This word comes out sounding more like s**t. She runs to booster chair or the indoor kid picnic table then waits for ten seconds. When apple fails to appear washed, cut, and ready, she switches between whines and dramatic wails.) PEEZ!

M: I have to wash it first. Patience, my dear.

(LD’s dramatics continue until thin slice of apple is placed before her)

M: What do we say?

LD: Peez.

M: You said that already. What do you say when you get what you want?

LD: (thinks) Peez.

M: No, we say “thank you.”

LD: (She blows kiss which is also sign for “thank you”.) Tay-ooo.

M: Good girl! Mommy is so proud!

(LD shoves entire paper thin slice into mouth. Three seconds later, pulls mushed bits out and tosses it on the floor.)

Mother: (glances between giant apple remaining and slice on the floor) So that’s how its going to be, huh? Bring. It. On.

Taken almost a month before, this shows off her "Throw down" challenge look.

Happy 19 months, Lil Diva!

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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16 Responses to Act 1, Scene 1.7: The Comedic Play of a 19 Month Old – Mommy and Me

  1. Happy Birthday Lil Diva! I can’t wait for my little Sweet Pea to catch up to you with on the words because that conversation is darling!

    • Both of my children exploded in spoken words after 18 months. In just a month, she went from a new word every few days, to 1-2 new words a day. I’m not sure she “knows” them all, but she says them. Today she learned “uncle” when we facetimed with my family. First try, clear as bell.

      She’s also stringing two words together, like “up please!”

      She also FINALLY says “mommy” often and repeatedly.

  2. John says:

    Oh, that’s funny.

    I keep on thinking that as my kids get older & are better able to communicate (rather than the point & wail they employ now), parenting will get easier. Then I read something like this & know that the frustrations are just going to change, but never really alleviate.

    • There are good moments too, but your children will always possess the “button pushing” gift.

      Communication is nice. It eliminates the constant guesswork. If I obey her commandos, she’s all smiles. It’s getting her to grasp she cannot live on yogurt and bananas alone or she must wait to leave the table because everyone else is still eating, or dinner must COOK before we eat – those cause the problems.

      She has a bit too much of me in her…

  3. Kir says:

    she’s getting so big Kel and she has really good language….I can hear that giggle.
    I think that it has to be interesting having a 4 yr old and then an almost 2 yr old , the differences are apparent and many I am sure.

    I loved hearing how she is living in her world and yours. I do not like how she spit her apple out at you. 😉

  4. Leigh Ann says:

    Oh, toddlers. So fun, so frustrating.

  5. Ironic Mom says:

    My favourite three words in this post: arf, plop, and buttpaste. 🙂

  6. CG says:

    Tonight, at the park, it was arms clenched, full body WOOF!

    Still fascinated and terrified.

  7. Pingback: This Week in Chaos-land… | Dances with Chaos

  8. you are a natural playwright too! LD is obviously too cute.

    • Yes, she is. She can be a brilliant charmer, if in the mood. As in instilling every woman she passes with the urge to go procreate.

      On the flip side….

      Yeah. It isn’t pretty.

      I’m told she’s a lot like me at that age… We know what we want, and if we don’t get it (especially food wise) we’re going to tell you. Vocally.

  9. Jenn says:

    That was cute. I miss those days when it my kid acted up in cute little ways instead of being mean and spiteful. Oh, the joys of the teenage years!

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