CG and I had a goal Wednesday afternoon: to see The Tackler ski and capture some video of it.
It appeared so simple. After grabbing lunch, we would just pop over to the ski school’s bunny hill and capture the footage super quick and then hurry off to ski.
How NOT to Play “Where’s Waldo” aka “Where’s The Tackler” When Skiing on the Mountain
- Never assume any task will be simple.
- Never walk to a location and leave your skis behind – even if it seems to be a brilliant idea at the time because…
- It sucks to walk in ski boots and…
- It will turn out that your son is not on the bunny hill from yesterday, but instead On the Mountain, where you are required to wear skis.
- You must pass three ski lifts to get back to those skis. While walking in aforementioned ski boots.
- You call The People In Charge* and get a Geographical Mountain Location* of your son – while trying to not freeze off your fingers because your smart phone won’t work without skin contact.
- You then take the ski lift (of the three at the bottom) that drops you the farthest away from his location, figuring you will ski down quickly.
- Instead of taking a known easy-but-more-circuitous way you take a more direct but unknown-except-by-map way.
- The unknown way has moguls. Big ones.
- It takes you fifteen minutes longer than the known way to get to the location point.
- Then you (I) veer right instead of left – and realize you (I) must now ski all the way to the bottom – to the lift you were next to when this whole mess started.
- Meanwhile, your husband wonders where you vanished to as he actually veered left.
- You take the lift you should have taken to begin with – and spend an extra five minutes on the lift because the person in front of you requires assistance (as they are only skiing in a chair because handicapped – which is really cool, by the way – and are obviously new at it) and the poor guy wipes out getting off.
- You finally ski down the trail The People In Charge said your son was on. You spy little kids near what I dub the Learning Lift (the slowest, smallest, and shortest lift on the mountain) and zip towards them.
- None are The Tackler.
- You wait in line because if you don’t take The Learning Lift, you will once again have to ski down the mountain, this time on green routes that require heavy use of your poles because the terrain is so flat.
- The line doesn’t move because…
- A boy around five years old is refusing to get on the lift. His instructor is required to ride with the three year old she’s also with (due to age). The lift only holds two people at a time. He won’t ride alone. An inquiry is sent out for “Anyone willing to keep him company?“
- You volunteer. Not only are you a single rider, because you still haven’t found your husband, but you need the damn line to move if you’re ever going to find your son.
- The boy still refuses to ride with you and clings to instructor like an alien face hugger.
- Another instructor shows up with older girl. You all kid swap: You ride with the older girl, the original instructor takes the melting-down boy, and the new instructor takes the 3 year old. Problem solved, line finally moves.
- While riding slowest and shortest lift ever, you pull out phone and call The People in Charge to get a new location on The Tackler. You find out he was outside of the restaurant that is 200 feet away from that lift you are on.
- You refrain from cursing and tainting poor girl’s ears you are riding with.
- You also pray you don’t accidentally drop cell phone while on lift.
- You call spouse and inform them of updated location. Or they call you wondering where the heck you are. I can’t remember exactly.
- You see tiny skis outside of restaurant and are hopeful you’ve finally located your son.
- You ask and find out only girl instructors are inside. Your son was skiing with a guy.
- You peek inside anyway.
- He isn’t there.
- You call The People that Are in Charge and find out he’s already on his way back down the mountain via snowmobile (the mode of transportation they use for the little kids).
- You and your husband have now just wasted slightly over an hour on the Quest to Video Tape the Tackler Skiing with nothing to show for all your hard searching but An Epic Fail.
- You refuse to be defeated and vow to remember What Not To Do tomorrow so you can finally capture the moment.
Hopefully by tomorrow, CG and I will have our act together. We lost another good 45 minutes of skiing thanks to the large morning hiccup where CG swore he’d brought The Tackler’s goggles home yesterday and searched madly for them while I dropped the kids off – sans diaper bag because I assumed (there’s that word again) CG would find them any second and be right behind me.
And the goggles, they were still on The Tackler’s helmet at ski school – so not lost, but not at condo either.
Other than the Goggle Delay and the Quest that Failed, CG and I had an awesome day of skiing.
It snowed overnight.
It snowed during the day.
The powder was amazing.
We did the highest trail several times – over 12,000 feet high.
We both had a blast.
I’m trying to figure out how to talk CG into moving here.
I’d give more details, but I’m toast – thanks to a dose of insomnia that visited last night for several hours.
*The People in Charge were looking at tracking device data from a transmitter they strap to all the kid’s legs. Not only so the kids can’t shoot through the trees and get lost, but also so their parent’s can download a track of where they went that day and see what runs they skied on. Sadly, the delay between their relay and my arriving at previous location was completely out of sync.