Where is the Freeze Time Button on the Growing Up Remote?

Friday was One Of Those Days You Just Want to Lock Yourself In Your Room And Take a Nap while your children somehow feed and entertain themselves without killing each other.

Saturday I woke up. Late.

And it hit me.

My baby girl had turned 16 months – yesterday.

Instantly, I was riddled with guilt. How could I have forgotten one of her monthly markers prior to reaching two years old?

Where had the time gone?

How could we have possibly gone from this:

Blissfully able to sleep anywhere at 2 days old

"What? I rule this place."

To this –>

Where is the Freeze Time Button on the Growing Up Remote?

She has changed so much just in the last month that I sense her babyhood slipping away before I’m ready for it.

I swear I already see that inner teenager peering out of her eyes.

Just in the last month she has:

  • Easily uttered elegant elocution of the word “No” – typically accompanied by a violent shaking of the head that would do any heavy metal goer proud.
  • Created the “Specific Point, Grunt, Swipe Away and Screech System” – while it has existed in minor form for months, just recently she had tweaked this system into a very effective form of communicating exactly what she wants. Example: on the kitchen table you have her cup of milk, some Cheerios, and banana. After voraciously shoveling Cheerios into her mouth like I used to consume popcorn, suddenly the Cheerios will be swiped to the floor. Then a guttural “I sound like a monkey” noise paired with frenzied pointing at the banana is performed. You mistakenly believe she wishes to have milk because you weren’t paying attention to where exactly she pointed and bring the cup into range, only to have it knocked out of your hands for failing to hold it tight enough. Along with The Swipe, you are scolded “No. No. No.” As she reinforces this with the shaking of her head, she once again Specifically Points at the banana, this time releasing a banshee type screech as if to say, “Look where I’m pointing, it couldn’t be more clear. Just give me the damn banana and nobody gets hurt.”  Finally you get the message and correctly give her a slice of banana.

    And the Award goes to....

  • Used aforementioned method for everything: toys, cell phones not hidden from view, her brother, and the refrigerator.
  • Nominated and won for the best You Don’t Love Me Because You Won’t Bow to My Every Wish Like Carry Me Around for Three Hours Wail.  Performed for her headache ridden exhausted frustrated adoring audience frequently, especially when teething.
  • Passed various stages of cutting all four molars: each one has at least partially broken through, but still have a ways to go before the gums are fully broken through. As you can imagine, this has made for some exhausting long hair pulling up at 2 AM interesting nights.
  • Turned into a Parrot: suddenly words are spewing out of her mouth – just after you say them.  Good thing we’ve toned down the cursing since the Tackler hit this phase….
  • Mastered Monkey See Monkey Do: No longer is peekaboo the only thing she’ll imitate. Suddenly, everything is fair game as she hones her acting craft. This new skill is one The Tackler loves – he finds it hysterical when Lil Diva imitates his shenanigans.  The Tackler fulfills his role of mentor by focusing on such vital skills as: spitting, climbing things taller than she is, and teaching her his favorite game of Run Around like a Maniac While Screeching at Top of Your Lungs.  This has resulted in my buying stock in migraine reducing medications.
  • Become Bequeather of Blown Thank You’s and Uh-ohs: If there are two things she still loves saying over the new found “no,” they are transforming blown kisses into the sign for “thank you” while actually saying “thank you” (sort of) and spouting “Uh-oh” whenever anything was dropped onto the floor – usually on purpose – just so she could say “Uh-oh.”

Other “milestones” remain the same.  She is still part monkey, climbing on every surface she can reach.  She still adores her brother, despite continued teasing at his hands.  She is already demanding a cell phone and iPod.

If only it was like this all day - so sweet.

She loves to use Twitter and I have to be vigilant in closing the Twitter window when leaving my computer so I don’t return with followers wondering why “jagkjlasg0138957aw” and “15-0jl//shgk” were vital tweets.

Who knows what she’ll be into next month….

I can’t wait to find out.

But I still want to find that Grow Up Remote.

Happy 16 month, Lil Diva.

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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10 Responses to Where is the Freeze Time Button on the Growing Up Remote?

  1. Diane says:

    Adorable children. I remember celebrating my children in months when they were young. The passing of milestones was always a little bittersweet for me, especially with my youngest child.

    If you find that remote control button will you let me know? I have one child getting ready to graduate high school in a few months and head off to college. I don’t think she is ready…or maybe it’s me who’s not ready…in any event, I could use that remote too.

    Have a blessed week. Diane

    • Kelly K says:

      Diane – That’s what I’m finding with my Lil Diva – she’s the youngest and the final child. I know that while I will be thrilled to never have to deal with teething again, I don’t want to lose the sweet baby snuggles that go along with this stage.

      I will be sure to share The Remote if I locate one. I don’t even want to think about having a college age child… weren’t they both just born?

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. Ironic Mom says:

    So she’s a Tweeter, is she? Hilarious. I love that second photo – that’s a keeper. And regarding pausing growing up, I think your blog posts likely do that, a little snapshot of a moment…

    • Kelly K says:

      Yup, she’s a Tweeter. My laptop used to be left on the coffee table, tucked into the far corner. I made the mistake of leaving Twitter open and on top, came back, and found she’d sent two tweets while I dared to leave the room for two minutes. I had a few confused followers who correctly guessed who the responsible Tweeter was. She’s almost done it a few other times, but was caught before hitting send.

      You’re right about the blogs capturing snapshots of a moment – it is one of the reasons I write them. As I reviewed some older blogs from just this summer, I couldn’t believe all of the little moments I’d already forgotten in the mommy brain blur.

      I also have a lot of fun with my camera. Tonight it was photo #3 that ruled the pre-dinner, dinner, and pre-bedtime hour. I swear I don’t remember my son performing the Dramatic Wail even remotely like she does. But I didn’t have a blog to capture that moment then, either….

  3. Paige Morgan says:

    Kelly, when you find that remote let me know. Of course I don’t want my kids to grow up too fast (unless our daughters’ acting careers are going to be really lucrative) but I also need to freeze time, just to get a few things done! 😉 Wonderful pictures!

    I am going to be watching for Lil Diva’s next tweet!

    • Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our Diva’s pulled their own weight? That would mean more writing time for us… right?

      I’ll add you to the ever growing Remote Waiting List. We might have more luck learning to bend the space/time continuum a la Hero in Heroes. Now that would be handy.

      I’m also slightly terrified of my Lil Diva at age 3. And age 12. PAUSE dammit!

  4. Tonya says:

    Awesome photos. They grow up so fast, don’t they? There are so many milestones that it’s hard to acknowledge and celebrate each and every one.

    Lucas just turned 22 months and there are days when I want to fast forward and others I want to pause and make last forever.

    Sigh.

  5. Jessica says:

    The last photo is priceless of the two kids together. That would be a good moment to freeze. I would fast forward the teething part though.

  6. MamaRobinJ says:

    Aw, and now she’s even closer to 2! I remember this so well (not that it was that long ago). I don’t know how many times I said, “It’s not ‘uh oh’ when you do it on purpose!” 😉

    Thanks for linking up!

  7. Leighann says:

    I so wish I could freeze time. But then I wouldn’t know where to choose.
    How adorable are those poictires?!
    She’s priceless

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