Top 10 Reasons I Am About To Channel Franka Potente in Run Lola Run

I’m about to snap.

All I want to do is this:

Top 10 Reasons I Am About To Channel Franka Potente in Run Lola Run

10.   The cedar pollen. We are blessed to live in a area where it shoots past “high” and “very high” into the “are frakking kidding me?” territory.

The Tackler in a tree - right before he drove me up one.

9.  After two hours at the park yesterday – an awesome time with the tiny infinitesimal exception of my nose running faster than Lola – I wanted to take an antihistamine because of #10.  Then I read the fine print: If breast feeding, not recommended.

8. Within the last few weeks, The Tackler has progressed from his WWF wrestling ways into the Ultimate Fighting Challenge category: for some inexplicable reason, he thinks shoving, grabbing, and hitting are acceptable ways to play with another child.  As the oldest, he doesn’t get wailed on from a sibling – he’s only in danger of being drooled and hugged to death.  Toy Story, Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse, and Chuggington do not have boxing matches in them. The only influence I can think of is watching older kids play at childcare while they were out of school for the holidays.

7.  Thanks to #8, The Tackler has had multiple warnings at my gym’s childcare.  He has been Written Up and Kicked Out For the Rest of the Day. Before this, roughhousing incidents were small and most were directed at his baby sister.  To try to keep it from escalating further, both positive and negative reinforcements were put into place.  Positive: candy or computer game reward if he was a good boy all morning.  Negative: push/hit/tackle/fight with another child and All Toys Are Taken Away.  Every time he was mean to his sister, he was separated from her and sent to his room because he couldn’t play nice – instead the old fall back of Time Out.  Good behavior toward her and others was praised and rewarded. I did everything I could think of.

6. Today the proverbial Steaming Pile of Crap Hit the Wind Tunnel Fan: he shoved and then punched two separate children at child care – the first time I have ever heard of him doing such a thing (and never having seen him use his fists before).  He is now Banned For Three Days from the childcare.

5.  Reason #6 went down with fifteen minutes left in my favorite Zumba class – forcing me to miss burning the extra 150 calories (every bit was needed after holiday indulgence and two weeks not exercising thanks to Sickmas).  I was nasty and sweaty.  I hauled the Tackler into the family locker room to grab a very necessary shower.  Surprisingly this venture was successful – he did not move from the bench or unlock the door and flee once – and it proved the silver lining to having your toddler severely misbehave: they know you are so pissed off, they uncharacteristically listen and obey your every dictate.

4.  Thanks to The Banning my instrument of stress relief – my gym classes and hot shower before 8 PM – are now ripped from me. It has brought forth a long hidden vindictive side that scares the crap out of me. With The Tackler’s toys already taken away (per consequences in reason #7), I catch myself brainstorming other ways to Get Back At Him.  I want to take my children to a bouncy place, and force him to sit at my side while his sister and all the other kids run amok happily playing.  I want to put on his favorite movie at top volume, but have him remain in his room unable to view it.  I want to eat his favorite foods in front of him and give him vegetables and gruel.  I want him to know what it feels like to have something you love and look forward to be cruelly snatched away.   These are not motherly, caring feelings.  These are my inner repressed tween fighting to get even.

3.  The Bannings Get Worse.  First, it was for the day. Now, it’s for three days.  If The Tacker goes Jackie Chan again, it will be for a week. Then two weeks.  Then….. I don’t even know.  I don’t think anyone has made it past then.  Unless I come up with either A) the cause behind The Tackler’s “play” techniques or B) find a way to fix it so he’s back to the sweet boy who never hurt anybody (outside of the tackle or sibling rivalry) – I’m royally screwed.

2.  Did I mention – no hot showers before 8 PM? No cathartic dance classes. No way to justify my snack indulgences or lose the extra few pounds I gained over the holidays. No two hour respite from being a stay at home mommy so I can miss my kids, recharge The Patience Meter, and retain the minuscule part of my sanity that remains.

1.   I am left with an Impossible Situation: how do I still let Lil Diva have her toys, let her play at the park, and take her fun places without rewarding The Tackler (who doesn’t mind playing with her toys)?  How do I fix this so we can go back to having fun as a family?  How do I get my sweet boy back who hated to see another child upset, much less be the instrument of their torture?

How do I keep my boy from being The Bully?

Is this a phase?  If it is, how long will it last?

What the heck am I supposed to do now?

If anyone has any helpful hints, ideas, or boot camp enrollment for almost four year olds….. well, I’m open to suggestions.

Meanwhile, I’m going to lock myself in my room and do this…

Anyone else feel like doing this lately?

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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8 Responses to Top 10 Reasons I Am About To Channel Franka Potente in Run Lola Run

  1. that last pic? OMG It should be my avatar. I have no where to send my kids, I have a mommy helper that comes once a week for 4 hours. She’s 14. I stay home, her job is to play with them and help them so they don’t talk to me. I end up feeding her dinner, so that is usually our pizza night (I’m cheap).

    I have a 2yo who is starting to get pretty rough and I have no idea how to stop it except to make sure we aren’t accidentally inspiring her behavior. Hubby and I used to “play fight” gently.. but still.. she doesn’t realize she’s being so rough.

    *hugs* If you need someone to scream too you can scream to me!

    • Kelly K says:

      Yes, those days of wanting to scream didn’t seem to happen near as often Before Children. It’s always good to find someone else who understands the frustrations Mommy hood causes while still comprehending we love our kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

      They just become masters at Button Pushing.

      My son has never been a very gentle child, with a few small exceptions, but this acting out is eons beyond his typical behavior. I’m at a total loss. It doesn’t help that I have yet to witness a more violent instance so I can’t see what sparked it.

      I’ll add to you my People to Scream To List. I firmly believe those lists keep us from losing it with our kids.

      Good luck with your 2 year old, and thanks for reading!

  2. I’ve been thinking about this one all day and don’t have anything helpful for you. I delayed responding so my words could be wise. But instead of wisdom all I have is sympathy. I totally get it. The gym and fitness classes are more than workouts for me – they’re my outlet for … well … everything. Maybe this will be all it takes. He knows how upset you are and he gets that this is huge. So maybe that’s all he’ll need. Does he ramp up at all? Are there signs they could watch for and then remove him before it gets too rough?

    Still thinking,

    • Kelly K says:

      Amy – I appreciate the careful consideration. I’m still scratching my head.

      The gym is the same for me: my outlet for everything. If I lose that, I’m afraid of the person I might become. The day I joined the gym (when Tackler was 6.5 months old), I became a happier mother. The combination of small break and a hot shower during daylight hours made me much happier as a mother. The only time I have not used it at least three times a week was A) the three months after Lil Diva was born when it was frozen for “maternity leave” and B) when I’m out of town on vacation. Even then we once stopped to use another location in Dallas on our drive home – and even though by the time we left the city would technically would’ve been home if we hadn’t stopped – both CG and I agreed the trip felt “easier” with a break in the middle.

      The problem with the childcare center is there are a lot of kids, and not enough staff to watch everyone all of the time. They have more staff in the “baby” and “infant” areas, but not so much in the older kid areas. It seems to happen more in the “maze” area (where the indoor play place is) where kids tend to roughhouse more, and where the staff can’t see all the areas at once (if child is in the tubes). I have yet to see him act out This Much, more of general boy roughhousing, or acting out frustrations.

      I do not think this will be enough to get him to stop, not that instantly.

      I’m thinking they also must have shown a movie recently (like Meet the Robinson’s, which I’ve seen playing there before) that shows more physical violence and he’s imitating that.

      I have no idea how to stop it, without seeing it.

      The Staff doesn’t seem to notice the cause until it’s too late, probably because the times we’re there are during busy hours. The problem might not occur if I went when it is nearly empty, but then the classes aren’t happening that I attend either (and while the hot shower would be nice, I am not a Treadmill or Work Out On Your Own person).

      I’m hoping to see if they can restrict him from playing in the back. While it sucks, because he burns a lot of energy running around there, it’s the only thing I can think of to get past this phase.

      Any additional thoughts or suggestions are much appreciated.

  3. Dianne says:

    Carrie Comtey is the local parenting guru. Her website is She teaches fantastic classes and might have some words of wisdom. I totally sympathize. My 2 year old is going through stuff too.

    • Kelly K says:

      Thanks for the tip.

      It’s nice to know I’m not the only one dealing with child behavior. I’m still hoping someone who as Been There Done That might have some tips.

  4. Pingback: Expelled as an 18 Month Old: Friday’s “What the frak?” Moment | Dances with Chaos

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