When Your House Becomes a Twilight Vampire

Currently I am sitting on my couch, in the middle of my family room, as three ladies clean my house in a way it has not been cleaned since I procreated.

I very well might be in heaven right now.

Or high, thanks to the blend of cleaning chemical fumes floating in the air.

I simply could not take the layer upon layer of Cheerio’s dust, the cemented baby cereal coating all surfaces within a six foot range of Lil Diva’s chair, the piles of baby spit up hiding in corners, and the cat hair collecting under the couch.

I surrendered.

Threw in the towel. Admitted my absolute failure to be a housekeeper with two toddlers running amok – I’d much rather spend the time with them – plus Lil Diva objected to me being “busy” for too long on any task – whether it was laundry, blogging, cooking, or playing with her brother.

I spent the last three and a half days organizing and de-cluttering my house in preparation for today.

I hired a service to clean – and they’re doing it all – blinds, windows, floor boards…

They’ve been at it for three hours now.

Twilight vampires would blend in perfectly..

My bathrooms sparkle so much they could be mistaken for Twilight vampires – if they had fangs.

Luckily they don’t.

That would be another blog post entirely.

I need sunglasses to protect me from the glare of the lights – without the shade of the film of dust coating them you can actually see the full wattage.

I might be able to walk on my tiled floor without my feet turning black and sticky.

I could probably eat off of the floor.

At least until breakfast tomorrow.

Who am I kidding – until before bedtime snack tonight. πŸ™‚

Until then, I’m going to savor every second of my clean house.

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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19 Responses to When Your House Becomes a Twilight Vampire

  1. I L-O-V-E a clean house. But you’re right – savour it for the few seconds it lasts. In my case it lasts until the children are let loose. At least I try to eat dinner out on the “big clean” days so the kitchen can stay somewhat clean until the next meal.

    • Kelly K says:

      The kids did have dinner out last night – the gals were two hours late showing up and were actually cleaning the downstairs kitchen area at dinner time. I asked CG to take them out and keep them away – just too much Lil Diva could get into.

      I’m happy to report that the house is still fairly intact and clean 24 hours later – by some small miracle.

      Even with Lil Diva reaching for her baby cereal bowl and dumping it all over the floor when I went to instant message CG to see if he’d given her medicine to her. I’m certain it now coats my floor everywhere but as it’s the same color as my tile it remains The Invisible Mess.

      I have not been this happy in my house in a long time.

  2. Vicky says:

    I am SO jealous! I am adding ‘housekeeper’ to my Christmas list.

    • Kelly K says:

      Vicky – Honestly, there is nothing better. I am now of the belief that professionals do a more thorough and faster cleaning job than I can ever hope to do – and my time is better spent enjoying my children while I can.

      Totally add it to the Christmas list.

      It’s like a weight (of the 1000 lbs of dust and caked on baby food) has lifted off my shoulders – CG is much happier in our “new” environment as well.

  3. Jaime Dittman says:

    So happy for you!

    • Kelly K says:

      My house needed it so badly – it was like trying to dig yourself out of a pit but the more you tried, the more you buried yourself alive.

      Best money ever spent!

  4. Katie says:

    I have a housekeeper who comes every other week to clean — we’ve had her for five years now. I have made many cuts in our budget and tightened up a lot of stuff, but I ALWAYS find the money to keep her. With a husband, toddler, and two dogs, there is absolutely NO WAY I could keep my house anything resembling clean without her.

    She’s also our babysitter. We love her.

    • Kelly K says:

      Thanks, Katie – I don’t feel so guilty about my failure to keep my house clean. πŸ™‚

      I have moved this from Luxury Item to Necessity Item in the expense category – we’re all so much happier and it forces me to de-clutter. I can justify doing that when I don’t have to worry about finding time to de-clutter and clean.

      Don’t think these gals will be baby-sitting for us but I do plan on having them clean regularly from now on.

      Gives me more time to tackle the pile of laundry. πŸ™‚

  5. marinasleeps says:

    I need a housekeeper …stat!

    • Kelly K says:

      Yup – that’s pretty much why I finally told CG, “Uh, we’re having our house cleaned. I can’t stand to live here anymore and I don’t have the time to do it myself.”

      To which he snorted in derision to a tune that sounded a lot like “Over my dead body.”

      I do believe he is now convinced it was an excellent use of funds.

  6. Pingback: Tweets that mention When Your House Becomes a Twilight Vampire | Dances with Chaos -- Topsy.com

  7. B Jas says:

    I SO need these women at my house, pronto!

    • Kelly K says:

      I don’t believe they work as far north as Canada. πŸ™‚ I found them by asking local friends on Facebook if they had any service they used and were happy with.

      So very glad I did.

      Thanks for reading!

  8. I read this when you posted it but haven’t had a moment to comment because, among other things, I’ve been overwhelmed with housework! However, I’m pretty sure it’s been on my mind NON-STOP! I know what I’m asking for for Christmas. My husband had a good laugh when I brought up the idea of a cleaning service about a year ago. I plan to be more convincing this time. I’m inspired by that sparkly bathroom. πŸ™‚


    • Kelly K says:

      When I said “I’m meeting with a lady to talk about cleaning our house” my husband’s exact response was one of those laughing snorts – of the “Over my dead body” variety.

      If I had asked my husband, my house would still be a disaster – complete with caked on baby food, so much dust on the shelves you’d think we rented out as a haunted house, and a bathroom – that if it wasn’t in my own house – I would run screaming from in horror.

      In fact, I would go as far to say he was dead set against it – why pay anyone to clean when we are – in theory – perfectly capable of those skills ourselves: The Mr. Fix It mentality applied to cleaning.

      What we lacked were the 10 plus hours of consecutive “free” time to actually do the work. And Daddy Time is a prime commodity on the weekend.

      I remained firm in my decision – I just couldn’t stand to live here any longer.

      Spending most of last weekend organizing the house so they could actually get to the surfaces to clean also helped change his mind.

      My husband loves his new sparkly kitchen that matches the bathrooms.

      Not having the mountain of cleaning waiting for me makes the rest of the chores less daunting – even the piles of laundry.

      Thanks for reading!

  9. Pingback: The Curse of the Toilet: Friday’s “What the frak?” moment | Dances with Chaos

  10. Kerry says:

    You never did tell us the name of the service…

  11. Pingback: Five Things That Make Me Smile | Dances with Chaos

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