Lactating Belly Buttons and Kennel Trained Toddlers – Tacklerism Tuesday

Kennel Trained Toddlers

As most of you know, last Thursday was Thanksgiving in the United States: a holiday where we are thankful to be able to eat 5000 calories in one day because the food is simply too good to pass up.

This year was no different, calorie wise. What was different was the location.

We were invited to our next door neighbors’ house – the only people who have ever cooked a turkey I actually consumed seconds on as I am not a turkey fan.  And while the turkey was delicious, the location brought about a small problem….

Their home was not child proofed.  While they had two children, those children were now college age and older – so it was perfectly acceptable to have glass figurines out on the coffee tables.

It was a full time job wrangling The Tackler and Lil’ Diva away from all of the imminent disasters waiting to happen.

Except upstairs in the game room area.  Where there were no games or toys (to The Tackler’s utmost disappointment  – his playroom is in our game room).  Instead, an item rested there that every parent of toddlers should own: a giant dog kennel.

This could come in very handy at home.

No, I did not force my children inside. Both of them entered willingly.

And yes, me, the evil mommy, then locked them into the cage until dinner was ready in an attempt to not break anything while we were there.

Don’t worry, it was only about five minutes.  Maybe ten. Probably somewhere in between.

While The Tackler did attempt escaping, Lil’ Diva was perfectly content in her new “home.”

No trauma was caused during this “lock-in” because later that evening he turned to CG and told him,

“Mommy said I can get my own cage for Christmas!”

A falsehood, but I’m now reconsidering it as a brilliant idea.  Obviously the parenting books have missed the benefits of kennel training toddlers.

Lactating Belly Buttons

Then earlier this week, as The Tackler and Lil Diva played their game of Show Me the Belly Button, The Tackler turned to me and said:

“I’m going to give her the milk out of here.”

and then he pointed at his belly button.

Five minutes later – after I finally quelled the bouts of laughter that prevented me from formulating an articulate response – I explained that belly buttons do not produce milk. And even if they did, only a Mommy’s belly button would produce it – not a brother’s.

Which reminded me of this photo I took a year ago.

Because penguins can be nursed from lactating belly buttons.

A perfect re-enactment of my set up while I nursed Lil’ Diva about ten hours out of the day: laptop next to me, boppy pillow, and my Lil’ Diva.  As no dolls were in the house at the time, a penguin substituted for the baby role.

After explaining only Mommies used their bodies to feed babies,  we demonstrated the Daddy way.

Bottle feeding his penguin, while "web surfing" on his laptop.

What has your child said this week that had you shaking your head in either wonderment or laughter? Or both.

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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11 Responses to Lactating Belly Buttons and Kennel Trained Toddlers – Tacklerism Tuesday

  1. This is hilarious. The kids in the kennel cracks me up. They look so content.

    My daughter has some confusion over lactating bellybuttons herself. I recently stopped nursing and just last night she lifted up my shirt and dove onto my bellybutton. It was a valiant effort but of course no milk. She’s only 9 months but still, it was a good try.

    • Kelly K says:

      Lil Diva is completely fascinated by belly buttons right now. She has yet to try to nurse from mine – preferring instead to job her cold fingers into it. She does love to produce fart noises by blowing on my legs though.

      We’re a cat household and this was my first kennel experience with the kids. Judging by how much fun they had in it, I’m seriously considering getting them one for Christmas. Imagine the possibilities: just put them in it in front of the TV and go take a nice leisurely bath.

      I can dream. 🙂

      Glad it gave you a laugh.

  2. marinasleeps says:

    What is it with kids and confined places??!? Mine love the dog’s house. And love it when you put the gate on it.
    After my milk would run out, my baby boy eventually got over it. But if for some reason sees me in my bra, he eyes me suspiciously like he trying to remember something.

    • Kelly K says:

      They love those little hidey holes. I was surprised both of them fit in there so comfortably. I predict some fighting over one when we see my sister (and her dog) over the holidays.

      My Tackler used to give me the exact same look.

  3. Ironic Mom says:

    I must get a kennel. If not for the kids, then definitely for me. Do they make them that big? If they could come with wireless and a cup holder, I may never leave. Love this post!

    • Kelly K says:

      Ohh.. I hadn’t thought of the possibilities of one for myself! I would think your household wireless would be accessible inside. Wow.. a place to sit where your drink, snack, and laptop are safe from prying hands.

      Maybe they do have a Mommy size…

      Glad you enjoyed it!

  4. educlaytion says:

    This post is great! Reminds me of how I used to plop our toddler into his car seat which was set up on the couch. He always seemed to sleep best in that thing. Should’ve thought of the cage though.

    Also good to know the rules about belly-buttons, lactating, and penguins. That stuff’s confusing for us guys!

    • Kelly K says:

      Both of my children slept predominately on laps or car seats for the first few months of life – they actually stayed asleep in those locations – as opposed to a crib.

      I tell you, when my son lifted his shirt for the penguin, I lost it. Of course, at the time I was nursing a newborn and had her attached to me most of my waking hours.

      I’m thinking a kennel is the best kept secret of parenting… They definitely left out a chapter on it in all of the parenting books.

      Maybe I should write one…

      Thanks for reading!

  5. mc6pack says:

    Kennel for kids? Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year through. Brilliant. My parents have one of those and the kids are always in it. Love the picture.

    So milk doesn’t come out of the belly button? Hmmmm…

    Tax Credit #4 is infatuated with his belly button. The other kids ask him where it is and he pulls up his shirt and pokes it. He has a promising future as a carnival performer.

    Great post, Kelly.

    • Kelly K says:

      Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

      I only wish I could have taken a less blurry or demonic “flash so severe the eyes are white and thus requires more photo editing time than exists for me to fix” photo – I only had my cell phone with me, not my typical SLR camera. Otherwise I’d have my Christmas card shot already. 🙂

      The Tackler had the same fascination that TC#4 and Lil’ Diva still have. In fact, I have a photo of him doing that exact carnival performance. Perhaps they could form an act together.

      Yes, in spite of the beliefs of many children – who dive bomb the belly in search of liquid gold goodness – belly buttons cease their nutrition feeding at birth and lack the lactation power.

      Thank god. Imagine how difficult it would be to have your pants fit while nursing because of constantly changing sizes…..

      Then be glad you’ll never have to nurse. 🙂

  6. Pingback: Hot for Teachers | Dances with Chaos

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